The scent of smoke – part 13

Shouting, crying, accusations and apologies – she had seen it in movies and TV shows a hundred times already and each time Jazz had known exactly how she would react if she was in the main characters shoes. But now, on her socks, she was speechless, clueless. Numb.

They didn’t talk on their way to the living room where Jazz chose an armchair instead of her usual spot on the couch. She curled up on it, pulled her knees close to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

“Are you ready to let me explain now?”

She avoided his gaze, just rested her chin on her knees and hummed. “Can I even be ready for this conversation?”

Subaru took a seat across from her, ran his hands through his hair and exhaled deeply. “Yeah, probably not. Believe me, I’d prefer not to have this talk either.”

“Ha!” Jazz barked, bit her tongue before she could launch into a rant.

“I mean it. This – I didn’t plan it, you know? I never wanted to hurt you. Don’t want that now either.”

As long as she didn’t look at him she could keep her emotions at bay; only when she noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the stubble on his face she had to fight the tears. Which wouldn’t solve anything, so she blinked a few times and took a deep breath instead of sobbing.

“Go on, explain everything. Give me the nice, rational report you probably prepared. The one to get you off the hook.”

She had found out that anger was easier to deal with than heartbreak, masked her pain with snark.

“This is not about me getting off the hook,” he hissed back, fingers curled to fists in his lap. “I owe you an explanation and an apology. I – made a mistake.” He bowed his head, stayed like this while Jazz counted her heartbeats. Ten, eleven, twelve. When he lifted his gaze she was staring at him, unblinking and silent.

“We had split up, I stayed with Mrs. Fukuhara. She had gotten a few anonymous letters the weeks before, just like her husband.”

Despite his attempts to explain Jazz didn’t react, just held his gaze and kept her mouth shut.

“Mitzuki and Takamura accompanied Fukuhara-san. And suddenly I got a call, saying there was an incident. Mrs. Fukuhara basically went berserk, threatened to knock me out if I wouldn’t let her go to her husband.” His chuckle faded in the empty space dividing them, barely reached her ears and got drowned out by her thoughts. Jazz bit her lip, it trembled between her teeth. She increased the pressure until the pain and coppery taste occupied the part of her that had focused on the betrayal.

“It was pure chaos. When we got there, Fukuhara-san was safe, his wife cried in shock and relief and Mizuki was -” His voice broke and Subaru cleared his throat, sat up straighter again.

“Takamura was in shock, too. All of us were, but we managed to take care of the necessary steps. As the team leader I should have been there, should have protected my team.” He ran his hands through his hair and jumped up, pacing the small patch between couch and coffee table up and down.

Jazz stayed where she was, only her eyes followed the tracks Subaru took. Her fingers were cold, numb, and rested in her lap like a prop, pretty to look at but lacking substance. Her whole body was a prop, a mannequin, hollow and unfeeling.

“If I – nothing of this would have happened…” He fell into the cushions of the couch heavily, sending some fluffs flying.

Jazz made a mental note to vacuum the furniture next time she was cleaning. Maybe she could rent one of those fancy vacuum cleaners that could also wash the fabric. And while she was at it, she could also clean their mattresses because-

A quick shake of her head got rid of this train of thought. She sat up straighter, but kept her distance from Subaru.

“Listen, a few days ago I would have been thrilled if you had opened up about your issues and I do know it’s deeply linked to the whole-” She swallowed thickly, but forced the next few words out before she lost courage, “- attack and Mitzuki’s death. And while I’m shocked and grieving for him, I have to be selfish here and bring you back from your trip to Selfblameville for a mission gone wrong and to the elephant in the room: you slept with another woman and while I don’t really want to know the details, I kinda need to know them or my mind will keep coming up with all these horrible images I can’t shake and I will never, ever sleep again.” Her voice was shaking just like her hands, she gripped them tightly, knuckles already white. If she just broke a finger now, would that pain mask the heartbreak? Some more pressure made her knuckles crack.

“Should I – should I just give you a report? Just the facts?” Subaru swallowed, his voice was hoarse already.

“Facts, yes. Not too many details, though.” Her voice sounded just as hollow to her own ears as her heart felt.

“We took Mizuki to a hospital. At some point they sent us back to our hotel rooms; Katsuragi had called and given us new orders, too. Backup came to take care of Fukuhara and his wife. Takamura was – she was very calm. Until I dropped her off at her room; she broke down in tears there. I just wanted to comfort her and – I don’t even know how it happened. We just lost control.”

Just lost control.

“Control?” Jazz inhaled sharply, held her breath for a moment before she exhaled again. “You make it sound as if only your ‘control’ prevents you from jumping any woman in sight. Is that it? It’s so hard not to cheat on me that once you don’t pay attention, you find yourself balls deep in someone else?”

“Don’t be so vulgar!” From desperate to admonishing in a split second. New record. “I’m trying to be civil here.”

“You are trying to save your ass here,” Jazz objected. Anger warmed her and chased away the chills she had earlier.

“I’m not! I’m taking responsibility for a mistake I made.”

Just one more word of her, one more time of talking back – Jazz shook her head. Escalating wouldn’t solve the problem, so she closed her eyes and counted to three.

“Were you drunk?”

He shook his head no, hiding his face in his hands.

“But when you called me – you called me after it happened, right? I mean, you didn’t sleep with her after talking to me, did you?” Somehow this would make it even worse for her, would deepen the betrayal.

“After I – after I realized what I had done I went to a bar. I called you when I came back to my hotel room and I wanted to tell you everything right away but you sounded so shaken but glad I was okay and I – I felt horrible. Like the worst person ever.” He sighed and raised his head only to rest it against the couch, still avoiding meeting her gaze.

“Because you are,” she dryly pointed out. “Well, maybe some of the fanatic mass murderers and historic leaders were worse, but adulterers are definitely runner-ups.”

He stared at her, eyebrows slowly rising as his eyes widened. “Was that a joke?”

Was it? It sounded like one, even to Jazz.

“Maybe,” she replied, arms crossed in front of her and her chin jutted out defiantly. “Anyway, at that time I actually WAS glad and relieved, for some horrible hours I thought you might be the one gotten hit during the attack. I thought I had lost you, Subaru, but you came back and I was so grateful only to find out that I indeed lost you that night. For a different reason, though.”

“But you haven’t lost me! I’m here, I want to fix this! I love you and I just want us to be together again. I promise you, I will never again make such a mistake-”

“Damn sure you won’t,” she interrupted his passionate declaration before he could go down on his knees in front of her; he was halfway off the couch already.

“I won’t. It was a crazy situation and I handled it abysmally poorly.”

“And your job will keep throwing you into crazy situations. Back when we got married you vowed to be faithful, that I would be the only woman for you now. Looks like you lied; why should I believe you now?”

That was the crux; the question she had avoided all the time. Could she even believe him, trust him again?

“Jazz.” He sighed, slumped into the couch some more. “I really have no idea what to say. I know I can’t just apologize and it’s all fixed again. But if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you are the only one I love, the one I want to be with. I meant what I said at our wedding; I want to cherish you and honor you and spend my life with you in it. Please, please let me prove to you that I’m sincere.”

Jazz exhaled, all the anger and tension, the pain chipped away little pieces of her heart and her energy. Sleep sounded so tempting, just going to sleep and once she woke up she could deal with all this. Maybe she could sleep until Subaru made the decision to leave.

“I’m tired,” she mumbled and closed her eyes. “I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of hating you.” Tired of feeling.

“What – what does that mean?” Confusion and hope shone from his eyes as she looked at him again.

“I don’t know. For tonight it means you can stay here. For the future?” She shrugged and got up, stumbled towards the bedroom door. “One more question,” she added with her hand on the handle already, eyes on the white surface of the door. “Are you still working with her?”

He shifted on the couch, she could hear the springs creaking lightly.

“I try to avoid her. We both know we messed this up and she – we both feel guilty.”

Jazz hummed and leaned her forehead against the cool wood in front of her. “I can still smell her cigarettes on you. It’s making me sick.” With this last piece of information Jazz fled into the safety of her bedroom. Tonight, though, she didn’t lock the door.

The scent of smoke – Part 12

There was no grace period when Jazz woke up the next morning, no blissful temporary amnesia. She opened her eyes, found herself in her own bed, under her own blanket, without the man she had married.

The thought of calling in sick at work was tempting – Liana would surely understand after Jazz’s impressive display of being unwell the day before – but staying at home had lost its allure. She trudged into her bathroom; a long hot shower later she walked back out and got dressed. Routine had its perks, for example the lack of cognitive activity needed for it. Doing her makeup and hair took just enough time so she had to rush out without breakfast. She could get something on the way to the office, a coffee and maybe a sandwich. The migraine had vanished, just a dull pressure had settled in the back of her head, made its home there. For now she could ignore it, for later she might get painkillers. If only everything was so easily fixed.

On her tiptoes she sneaked to the apartment door; if Subaru was still at home he had made no sound so far, but better safe than sorry.

The weather didn’t match her heartbreak; blue skies, the sun was shining and the air was clean enough to see the skyline in the distance.

After the successful award event more work piled up on her desk so Jazz dove right in, ignored her personal phone in favor of answering the calls of potential clients and making orders for future events. When Liana came in to greet her Jazz had already diminished her to-do list by a couple of items.

“Hey, are you feeling better today?” She took a seat in front of Jazz’s desk, satisfied when her inspection showed no dark circles under Jazz’s eyes anymore.

“I slept a lot and now I’m ready to tackle this pile. And I’m really sorry for yesterday; this migraine came out of nowhere.” Jazz shuddered at the memory; she would never be able to set a foot into that store again.

“All’s well that ends well. Miss Osmond has a wonderful dress now, you had some sleep and I have a date tonight.”

This got Jazz’s attention, she leaned back in her chair and grinned.

“Is that so? Things are getting serious, huh? Good for you.”

“Hush, you are one to talk. Your husband came to pick you up yesterday because you weren’t well. That’s the level of intimacy and care I aspire.”

Jazz’s pen hit the desk, clattered and rolled down on the floor.

“You okay?” Liana’s brow furrowed but Jazz quickly picked her pen up and smiled.

“Yeah, sorry. Too much coffee. So are you going out for dinner?” Distraction, evasion, deflection – the holy trinity for people to change a topic and Jazz played all of them like finely tuned instruments.

“No, he’s coming over for dinner. I’m going to cook something and we are watching a movie afterwards.” A light blush stained Liana’s cheeks, she picked at the hem of her skirt and smoothed it down again.

“In that case, make sure you get out of the office in time. I bet it’s difficult enough to date someone who’s basically on call 24/7.” Seeing Liana happy like this cut deeply into Jazz’s wounded heart. She put on a brave mask and dropped her gaze on the papers in front of her again.

“Isn’t it the same with you and Ichiyanagi-san?” Liana got up, her fingertips brushed over the surface of the desk.

“I guess. And that’s how I know it can be difficult, so make the most of the time you have with Captain Ishigami.” Jazz found a typo in a proposal, marked it in bright red and kept reading.

“Maybe we should form a support group. ‘Dating a cop 101’ with you, Miho and me,” Liana joked and waved before she left.

Jazz stared at her phone. She could call Miho; her friend often held good advise when Jazz hit a wall. Only this time… Miho would kill Subaru. Maybe not literally, but she would not hold back her anger and disappointment. If Jazz wanted him humiliated and shunned in their social circle, this was the way to go. But as long as she hadn’t decided what to do, whether to fight for her marriage or give up, she couldn’t tell Miho. The risk of getting swept away by Miho’s temper scared her; if this marriage failed she didn’t want to blame herself for not trying everything in her might. For now, she would keep it a secret. With a sigh she returned to her paperwork, stared at the words until they blurred before her eyes.

 

Liana had long gone home when Jazz stepped out of the office building and closed her coat. Despite the sun all day temperatures dropped in the evening; typical late summer weather with chilly nights and mild days. Her gaze fixed on the pavement in front of her Jazz trudged towards the train station. She could get dinner on the way, something simple. Or maybe something fancy, a pick-me-up of sorts. Soul food. She craved the food of her home country, not the Japanese cuisine which only reminded her that she was still a guest here, a visitor. Would she be even able to stay once her marriage was over? Another thing she had to research; another point on her list to consider.

Back home she found the door locked and lights turned off; Subaru was not in the apartment, but there was a note and a pink rose waiting for Jazz. The note said: ‘Please allow me to explain tonight.’

She took it together with the rose into the kitchen, crammed both into Subaru’s ridiculously overpriced blender he had bragged about for months, and gave it a few spins. Childish, yes, spiteful even, but it made her lips curl up in the first genuine smile for two days.

With a cheese sandwich and a cup of tea she snuggled up on the couch, flipped through the channels until she was tired enough to go to bed. She didn’t even clean her dishes away, just locked the bedroom door and crawled into bed.

Later that night there was a series of soft knocks at the door but she refused to acknowledge them, just stared at the ceiling in the darkness until Subaru’s footsteps faded away in direction of the living room.

She kept the pattern up for another three days, sneaked out in the morning and locked herself into the bedroom at night. Subaru was still blocked on her phone and she threw out every note he left for her without ever replying. She was angry, hurt and confused and she showed him in every possible way without actually talking to him.

Whenever she thought of him, caught glimpses of mementos, whenever someone mentioned her husband her emotions boiled up until she felt sick.

 

“God, it’s been ages since we had a decent dinner together.” Miho browsed through the menu while Jazz stared at the same page for minutes.

“You want a starter? Or we could just order a bunch of dishes and split. Like a buffet.”

In contrast to Miho’s chatter Jazz only hummed; she lacked appetite the last few days. Eating wasn’t fun anymore, just a way to get energy.

“Are you still mad because I had no time the last few days?” Miho let the menu sink and frowned, waved for a waiter when Jazz stayed silent. She ordered several starters and a few main dishes, another drink and one for Jazz. Once the waiter nodded and left she turned her attention back to her friend.

“Subaru is the same at the moment. As if I’m keen on working with him.”

Jazz blinked, a crease between her eyebrows appeared as confusion furrowed her brows.

“You are working with him?”

“Yeah. Didn’t he tell you? I swear, he only does that to annoy me.” The dynamic between Miho and Subaru left lots of room for jabs and quips, but also for pranks and intentional neglect when it came to conveying messages to Jazz. “Turned out the attack on his golden boy had been executed with a gun from our target. Katsuragi thinks it’s a good idea to strengthen bonds between the departments and Ishigami agreed.”

Their drinks arrived and Miho took a sip, sighed in contentment and propped up her arms on the table as she leaned towards Jazz.

“So, what’s new in your life?”

Too many words rushed though Jazz’s head, got in the way of each other so she ended up shrugging.

“Work is crazy. The award show got really great reviews and now I’m swamped.”

“Oh yeah, I bet. Hey, was your stalker guy there, too?” The ice in her glass clinked as Miho swirled her drink.

“He’s not a stalker, I’m not a stalker, and yes, he had been there. Won first prize. Danced with me. Afterwards I made sure the event came to a good ending and went home – unstalked.”

The feeling of having forgotten something crept up on her, Jazz washed it down with a swig of her cocktail.

“Wait, wait, wait. Danced with you? How many times does this make? You dance awfully often with a guy who’s not your stalker but keeps running into you.” The more she drank, the louder Miho got.

“Can’t help it, you know I love to dance and he’s a great dancer. And he’s good at respecting my boundaries. Hasn’t even asked for my name yet, even less for anything more.” Another swig and Jazz’s glass was almost empty.

“Booooring.” At the arrival of their food Miho perked up, waited until the waiter was gone before she rearranged plates and bowls on the table.

“You are aware I’m still married,” Jazz pointed out. The food smelled incredible, its aroma wasted on her as she felt her throat tighten at the thought of eating.

“I am, your husband is sulking in my office all day long after all. I guess I’m seeing more of him than you do at the moment.” With nimble chopsticks Miho snatched bites here and there. “The good thing is, now I have someone for the grunt work. We are going to raid a ship soon, so there’s plenty of paperwork.”

The alcohol seeped into Jazz’s mind, muffled noises and pain. She nodded mechanically, zoned in and out of the conversation just enough so Miho didn’t get suspicious. At the end of the meal she had barely eaten.

“You wanna take the leftovers back home for Ichiyanagi?” Miho asked as they split the bill.

“No, bring them back for Goto. Tell him I said ‘hi’ and thanks for talking to Subaru.” Not that it had helped, but no one could have known.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Jazz focused on Miho and smiled. “Yeah, just – really, really tired. I feel like sleeping for a week straight.”

“Work, huh? Yeah, after this case I need a break, too. Maybe a long weekend somewhere. An onsen sounds good. Hey, about we go on a couples’ retreat? You, Ichiyanagi, Seiji and I?” With the paper bag filled with leftovers in her hand Miho marched towards the street, her free hand raised to hail a cab.

“So the guys can do whatever guys do while you and I get massages?” Jazz barked a laughter; they had done that once or twice. Fun times.

“If Ichiyanagi wasn’t so uptight I would be fine with you and I giving each other massages. But his level of jealousy is epic and I don’t want to ruin another vacation by having to listen to him ‘reminding you whom you belong to’.”

“It’s not as if you and Goto were exactly discreet,” Jazz grumbled, her stomach churning at the memory of that night, of Subaru all possessive and insatiable. Just because the barkeeper had flirted with her.

“True.” Miho opened the door and slid into the backseat of the cab, waited for Jazz to follow her before she told the driver the first address. “Hey, do you want to have dinner one of these days?”

“We just had dinner.” Jazz slumped into the cushions of the backseat, curled up so she could rest her head against the window. Tokyo at night was bright and lively, rushed past them fast enough for Jazz to get dizzy.

“I mean with the boys.”

The glass cooled Jazz’s forehead, fogged under her breath.

“Maybe once your case is solved. You don’t want to work with Subaru and also spend time with him afterwards.”

If even Miho couldn’t tell something was wrong, Jazz did a good job at acting normal. Whatever that was.

Sneaking around, avoiding the same person he couldn’t wait to see only a few days ago. Emptying her mind to not think about him, about them. This was her new normal. This was her life now.

Light spilled from the windows into the night; Jazz braced herself. Either to dash into the bedroom or to confront Subaru – both options were terrifying. She couldn’t keep this up forever, but wasn’t ready to face him yet.

“I could just leave,” she whispered, fingertips resting against the door. “Turn around and never come back.” To go back to her family, start a new life there. Europe was just a flight away.

Her keys jingled as she unlocked the door, pushed it open and stepped inside.

“I’m home,” she mumbled as she slipped out of her shoes. Subaru leaned against the doorframe to the living room, arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Welcome back.”

The Scent of Smoke – Part 11

Time stood still. Until the clock’s numbers changed to 2:22 and Jazz inhaled deeply.

“Oh.” She pulled her hands back, his grip slackened further when she distanced herself. Wiped her hands on her nightgown.

“I’m so sorry, it wasn’t planned, it just-”

His stream of words were cut off by her raised hand. Jazz got up, like a mechanical doll she moved through the bedroom.

“I need – time to think.”

“Jazz, don’t go now. Let me explain.” Slumped on the bed he watched her shake her head softly. In her nightgown she only grabbed a coat and her purse, closed the door behind her.

Only in the cab that took her to a hotel nearby she noticed that she was still wearing slippers.

 

A few hours later Jazz sat at her desk again, dressed in her emergency dress and some cheap heels she had bought on her way to work. Japanese people were too polite to point out someone was going out in sleepwear. Besides, Jazz had other problems. She had blocked Subaru’s number on her phone, had told everyone in the office to tell him she wasn’t in if he called. Excused it with a surprise she was planning for him.

Her autopilot worked well enough to get some tasks done. Easy ones, like sending bills and comparing offers.

“Good morning!” Liana’s smile slipped when she looked at Jazz, still in the doorway of her office. “Are you sick?”

“No, just had a rough night.” And no makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes.

“Should I go and get us some coffee? Cooling gel for your eyes? Concealer?”

“You spend too much time with Miho. You start sounding like her.”

Liana rummaged in her bag, just shrugged off Jazz’s quip and let out a triumphant ‘A-ha’ when she found a small tube.

“Might not be your color, but neither is what you’re sporting today. So, about that coffee…”

“Yes to coffee, thanks. And afterwards I want to hole up in my office.” For the rest of the day. For the rest of her life.

“You mean until noon?” Liana asked and checked her phone.

“Noon?”

“The appointment in the bridal store with Miss Osmond? We agreed on it weeks ago.”

Jazz’s eyes flitted to her planner. There it was, black ink on paper, in her own messy handwriting.

“Shit.” Jazz dropped her head on the desk, the cool wood hit her forehead with just enough force to leave a reddening spot. She sat up again, ran her hands over her face.

“Okay, yeah. I forgot about it, but no problem. Coffee first, afterwards I have to make some calls. At at noon we will meet Miss Osmond and will pick out her dress. Great. Yeah.”

“You are rambling, you know that?” Under Liana’s scrutiny Jazz calmed down, forced the restless energy back. The need to move, to stay occupied so she didn’t have to think.

“Sorry. I had a crazy night.”

“Did you drink?”

Her eyes were still red and with the sloppily styled hair, only a hint of make-up, she was surprised no one had asked sooner.

“I wish I had. But no, I was just – I didn’t sleep much. Migraine.” She made a face and rubbed her temples; it wasn’t even a lie. Her head felt as if her skull would burst any second now, thumbing in time with her heartbeat.

“Give me half an hour and I will look more human again.” If she could keep herself from crying for so long. Jazz closed her eyes, took a long breath. When she opened her eyes again she smiled. ”But coffee first. I go and get us some of the good stuff.”

She grabbed her purse, rushed out of the office and down the stairs. Kept moving. Standing still meant she had time to think and thinking led to wondering, to fretting. To crying.

On her way to the coffee shop she picked up some make-up, even considered getting some booze but scrapped the idea again. It was only 10 am, not the time to drink now. Subaru had taken too much from her already, she wouldn’t let him ruin her professionalism.

Caffeine helped and so did company. In front of Liana Jazz put on her polite smile and her work personality which left no room for insecurity and brooding.

Eyedrops, concealer and mascara did a good job in covering the effects of last night and when their appointment came around Jazz greeted Miss Osmond – “Please, call me Coline” – with a smile and heartfelt congratulations.

“This is not the biggest store for wedding apparel, but the best if you ask me. From traditional kimonos to princess bridal gowns you can get everything you want here.” A shop assistant was waiting for them, another round of greetings and congratulations later they browsed the shop on their own for a first impression.

“I always dreamed of a classical bridal gown. A huge puffy skirt and a tight lace up bodice. It’s still a dream from when I was a kid” Coline laughed, ran her fingertips over the beaded embroidery on a cream colored dress. “Not sure if that’s the best look for me, though.” She was slim, didn’t have that many curves to show off.

“A traditional kimono would look fantastic on you, but I imagine that a more fitted bridal gown would also be lovely.” Jazz pulled an off-white strapless lace gown from a rack, looked at it from all sides. “A nice belt, a veil, a pair of heels and your groom won’t know what hit him.”

“What kind of dress did you wear for your wedding?” Coline asked and nodded towards the dress. “I’ll try this.”

With a tight smile Jazz handed the dress over; a sales assistant took it to the changing rooms.

“I had a classical A-line gown. A bit of beading at the bodice, a couple of layers of chiffon over thick satin. Not too poofy, rather fitted with a flared skirt. If you can get a lace-up bodice, just in case your weight fluctuates a bit before the wedding. I had no train, I wanted it to be easy to dance in.” She swallowed thickly. “Sorry, I need a sip of water. The air’s so dry in here.” The pounding of her head increased with every minute and she had no painkillers in her purse. Rookie mistake.

“How about a glass of champagne?” the helpful sales assistant asked and rushed off after Coline nodded enthusiastically. The champagne was too tart, almost sharp to Jazz’s palate so she set her glass down after and conveniently forgot about it while the bride kept fretting over the countless options.

Liana stayed in the background mostly, it was her first dress shopping appointment and she watched and learned. Not that there was much to learn, the taste of the bride was the decisive factor in the end. A good wedding planner had just to make sure the bride stayed focused and on track, didn’t get lost in the sea of bling and ruffles. So Jazz steered Coline back to the dresses whenever she strayed and stared at shoes or accessories. After they had picked out six different dresses Coline vanished in the changing room, her chatter and laughter still audible outside where Jazz and Liana sat on a couch and waited for the fashion show.

“You are looking a bit better already.”

Jazz shrugged, forced her smile to stay light. “It’s like a hangover, only without drinking first. Distraction helps, as does the coffee. And hey, what could be better to cheer a girl up than a shopping trip?”

Shoes and dresses, a trusty combination to brighten her mood, only this time they failed to excite her. There was no running from what she had to accept, not even in brand new strappy heels.

“Yeah, great shopping trip.” Liana sighed and let her gaze wander over the rows and rows of wedding dresses. “A bride, a married woman and a divorced one go into a bridal salon… sounds like the beginning of a joke.”

“And not a funny one,” Jazz agreed.

The curtain moved, and in a vision of lace and organza Coline swaned out of the changing room.

“Now that’s a great start.” Nonetheless Jazz got up, draped a part of the skirt around the beaming bride and stepped back again.

“First of all, how do you feel?”

After a tiny shimmy Coline cocked her head to the side, exhaled deeply.

“It’s beautiful, but heavy. Like, dragging me down. Too many layers for me.”

A princess gown, a huge skirt with a fitted bodice, was the perfect dress to start with; from there the bride could see if she wanted more, up to a majestic Cinderella dress, or less.

“What about the color? Pure white or a bit of a darker shade?”

“As long as it’s not pink I can imagine a bit of color. But definitely less – of all of this.” Ruffles rustled when Coline picked up the skirt a few inches and let it drop again. “Oh, but a train would be nice. Not too much, just something extra.”

“How about that mermaid dress we found earlier?” Liana suggested. “The one with the rose embroidery.”

“Sure.” After a last glance into the huge mirror Coline disappeared behind the curtain, left Jazz and Liana to evaluate the first dress.

“She’s drowning in it.” Jazz plopped down on the couch, tipped her head back and rested it against the wall. “With such a small frame she needs something delicate. Light and classy.”

“Silk?”

“Silk. One single layer of lining max. Did we choose something like that?”

“We did. Let her try it after the mermaid one.” Liana checked her notes and nodded. “Should I go and look for some more simple dresses?”

Jazz hummed, eyes closed. The light and the sea of white dresses hurt her eyes, stabbed directly into her brain.

“Try to find one with sleeves. I think we don’t have a sleeved one.” Her brows were knitted tightly together, she breathed against a wave of dizziness.

“Jazz? You don’t look too well…” Liana’s voice traveled to her like through water. Jazz opened her eyes just in time to see Coline dance out of the changing room, small steps taking her closer to the small pedestal in front of the mirror.

“So much better,” she beamed, turned here and there before she stopped and watched her reflection. “What do you say?”

It was a mistake to sit up. The headache, the lack of sleep and the dizzy spell teamed up to drag Jazz down into an abyss of utter embarrassment. The bit of coffee she had for breakfast – and any other meal this day – churned in her stomach. She only managed to cover her mouth with a hand in time to jump up and flee towards the restrooms; throwing up in a bridal store was an expensive act, and one to kill a career.

“Okay, I guess she didn’t like it,” Coline mumbled, looked at Liana for clarification and maybe a feedback.

“I don’t think it’s the dress.” Liana stared in the direction Jazz had vanished to. “I am so sorry, but Miss Mann wasn’t feeling well all day already. Must be-” She searched for a good excuse, but came up empty handed and finished her sentence with a helpless shrug.

“Morning sickness?” Coline asked, sympathy in her eyes and voice. “My cousin was suffering greatly under hers.”

“I really can’t say.” With apologetic tilt of her head Liana turned back to face the bride-to-be. “But this dress looks lovely on you. Not the perfect one yet, though. How about you try the silk one next? A simple cut, no ruffles and frills; a clean silhouette. It makes the bride shine more on her own.” She ushered Coline back into the dressing room before she rushed after Jazz.

“I’m okay.” Her head rested against the tiled wall, her eyes were closed when Liana found her. “I just wish I could die right now. There’s no way I can go back in there.”

“Miss Osmond is actually rather understanding. You just have to pretend you’re pregnant.” Liana’s brow furrowed, she sat down next to Jazz. “It would be pretend, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh god, not you, too! Miho said something along those lines the other day and I already told her, no, I’m not pregnant.” ‘At least not as far as I know,’ flashed through her mind. That would be the icing on the cake, a baby with the husband who had cheated on her. A baby.

“Help me up, please. I need a sip of water and a peppermint.”

A month ago, maybe, or even a week her only concern would have been to prevent gossip, but now a new worry hit her hard enough to stumble on the way to the sink. What if not she was pregnant? What if Subaru had knocked the other woman up? Did they use protection? Did he sleep with Jazz after sleeping with her? Should she get tested for an STD? All the questions she had banned before assaulted her now, in the tiny restroom, bounced off the walls of her mind like an echo bounced off the tiles.

“Jazz?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’m much better, don’t worry.” The mirror showed her a less optimistic picture. Her glassy eyes were rimmed with smudged mascara; throwing up always left her looking like a mess. A few wipes with wet tissue replaced the black with red; it would fade with time.

“Okay, let’s make sure our client gets the perfect dress and afterwards I’m calling it a day.”  For the sake of the appointment Jazz forced herself to smile, apologized to Coline and the sales assistant. Asked them to keep it a secret from her bosses and made it sound as if she really was expecting without ever saying the words ‘pregnant’ or ‘baby’. She couldn’t afford rumours.

Solidarity between women was a blessing; in exchange Jazz didn’t rest until Coline stepped out of the changing room with a blinding smile and sparkling eyes.

“See? With such a simple dress it’s the bride that shines, not the designer or the bling on the robe.” Liana, visibly satisfied with the result of her latest search, nodded. “A veil?”

“No,” Coline objected, stared at her reflection. “This dress is perfect as it is.” Flowing silk, the top covered with delicate lace that formed sleeves down to her wrists and tapered out around her hips.

“Maybe some headband?” Jazz suggested, smiled at the sales assistant who fetched a small selection.

“Something floral and light.” She picked one with silver wires, small beads and flowers woven in created the illusion of a branch from a fairy tree. In contrast to Coline’s dark curls it shone in her hair, caught the light in the store and reflected it.

“That’s it,” Jazz concluded. “That’s your dress.”

“That’s my dress.” Light fingertips brushed over the fabric, smoothed it down until Coline was satisfied. “It has to get shortened a bit, but the train is exactly what I want.”

“Shoes and a purse and you’re good to go,” Liana agreed.

It took them some convincing for Coline to change back into her clothes and leave the dress behind for the alterations.

“Have you been this excited for your dress, too?” Jazz asked Liana on the way back to the office.

“Yes, I think so. Having the dress made it real. All the planning before felt so random, but the dress was when it sank in.”

Jazz hummed; she couldn’t remember at all. Not only her wedding preparations, all her happy memories seemed to have been wiped from her memories. Spending the day with a blissful bride only made the loss worse. The lack of joy, the lack of love.

“I’ll only get some documents from my office and leave afterwards,” she announced. Talking about trivial things gave her a reprieve, a moment she didn’t have to fake.

“Get some rest and get better.” They parted at the elevator; despite her weak condition Jazz opted for the stairs. The swaying of the elevator, the strange feeling of rising and pausing midair was too much of a challenge for her stomach. One step after the other she climbed the stairs, the physical strain clearing her mind of unwanted thoughts. Or any thoughts really.

For once there was no rush; after leaving the office she would have to go home without an idea where that should be. Telling Miho would make it real, like finding a dress made getting married real. But making it real would mean acknowledging and dealing with the situation. She didn’t have the strength for that. She had barely found the strength to talk to Subaru about his behavior and before she did, several days had passed while she fretted and pondered the right approach. Last night didn’t count as respite. Lying awake and crying wasn’t thinking after all. The next steps were clear. Finding a place to stay. Getting at least some of her clothes. Wallowing in self pity and ice cream. Adopting a bunch of cats and getting bitter.

“Drama queen,” she scolded herself on the last few stairs. After a couple of deep breaths she put on her smile again and made her way into her office. The receptionist waved at her; Jazz waved back and hurried towards her door. She wasn’t in the mood for a conversation or more work; whatever it was, it had to wait until she had least gotten rid of this splitting headache. Maybe she was actually sick? Terminally ill? A brain tumor, maybe. She would die within a short time and Subaru would be left behind, heartbroken he had treated his poor sick wife like this. Or maybe inwardly rejoicing because he could openly be with his new lover.

Deep in thought she opened her office door, stumbled inside and towards the couch.

“Do you have an idea how worried I was about you?”

Subaru’s voice made her jump, pressed all the buttons to make her feel guilty for his anger. He sat on the very couch she just wanted to rest on, his tie askew and his hair disheveled.

“What are you doing here?” she asked back and swallowed down the instinctive apology his question had triggered.

“I’m waiting for you. I called you over and over again, looked for you all over town.” He came closer, stopped right in front of her so Jazz had to look up a bit. Despite her heels he was taller; a fact she used to appreciate.

“I didn’t want to talk to you,” she cooly replied and sidestepped him on her way to her desk.

“You could at least have let me know you’re okay. I called the hospitals and police stations to see if you had gotten into an accident or-” He bit his tongue, let her fill in the rest.

“You think I would harm myself just because you had sex with another woman? I’m not that weak.” The desk was a barrier between them, one Jazz used to keep him away. She couldn’t think when he was close, her mask crumbled under his sad gaze.

“That’s not what I wanted to say. I was just worried about you. You went out in your pjs, didn’t answer your phone -”

“Did you call Miho?” she interrupted him, raised both eyebrows and jutted out her chin. A challenge he backed out from.

“No. I figured if you went to stay there and told her – well, told her why you were there, she wouldn’t give me a straight answer anyway. I asked Goto, though. If you were there or not.” He lingered on the other side of the desk, fingertips on the wood, turned halfway towards her and halfway facing the door. “So, where have you been?” He stared at his fingers, the contrast between his skin and the polished surface of the desk, scratched at a spot until he looked up and found her glaring at him.

“What? Are you afraid I paid you back in kind?” She snorted; this was not a conversation she felt up to. Not with her head in pain, and her heart heavy, still choking at the betrayal. “I would never do that to you. Never.”

Her bottom lip trembled, she bit down on it and looked up at the ceiling. “Can you just go now? Please?”

“Will you come home tonight?” His soft tone reminded her of whispered conversations, late at night, snuggled under one blanket. Of shared dreams and secrets.

“I can’t.” Short answers, the shorter the better. Less words she could trip over, less risk for a crying fit.

“I don’t mean you have to forgive me right on the spot, or at all. This isn’t about you coming back with me and we pretend it’s all okay. I just – Jazz, I want to know you are safe at least. You get the bedroom, and if you say I mustn’t bother you, I won’t. I promise. But last night-” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I was so scared something had happened to you.”

“I’m tired.” Jazz dropped her head and shook it slowly. “I try to think but I can’t. My head’s a mess, and all I want is my bed. My life back.” She lost the fight against the tears, allowed them to flow freely now. “Can you give me that? Can you give me back my peace? My happiness?”

When he wrapped his arms around her she didn’t struggle. His heartbeat was steady and familiar under her palm, her own fluttered like a bird trapped in a cage, strained against her ribcage and made her feel even sicker.

“Let’s go home,” he said once more. “And talk about it if you want. I would do anything to fix this, Jazz. Anything. I love you so much, I know I fucked up but I swear, if you let me, I will -”

She cried harder with each word he said, clung to him until his shirt was soaked and smudged with the rest of her makeup. Subaru held her until she ran out of tears, ran out of energy. He held her hand while he led her out of the office, towards their car – his car, she corrected herself – and helped her inside. He held her hand during the ride whenever he could, squeezed it at every red light. He only let go of her when she reached the bedroom door and closed it behind her.

Her bed was as she had left it, Jazz pulled the covers over head and fell asleep within seconds.

The scent of smoke – Part 10

The last song just faded when they reached the free space in front of the stage where other couples already were enjoying the music.

The first few notes of “As the world falls down” sounded, the slow song in a version dominated by piano and bass, topped off with an almost lazy female voice as lead.

“Okay, I got a problem here,” Yushima declared as they stood facing each other. “Either I put my hand on your back and touch your skin or I place it on the fabric of your dress and end up a bit too low to be modest.”

“And that’s your problem?” She giggled, took his hand and a step closer. “Back is fine. I don’t mind you touching me.” So her back it was. His hand, warm and firm, made her shiver lightly. They started in a sway, waiting how the song would develop.

“So you’re not bartending tonight?”

“Actually I don’t tend the bar at all. You just happen to catch me on my breaks when I hide behind counters all the time.”

He spun her, slowly, pulled her closer when she was facing him again.

“So you’re not a full time beer fairy after all? I’m shocked.”

“You’ll live. I can still get you a beer in most places, don’t worry.” Her right hand rested on his shoulder, with her heels she had the perfect height to look over it.

“What else did you keep from me? I can deal with you being married, but this? Might be a bit much.” His voice was so close to her ear, the warmth of his breath washed over her neck.

“I’d say ‘find it out’ but that’s an empty offer.” No amount of flirting would get them anywhere, only in a better mood for a while. And afterwards she would feel guilty, both for him and Subaru.

“Well, can’t expect you to work your beer magic all the time, can I? I mean, that dress is spectacular, but obviously you can’t hide a bottle in it.”

“Nope, there’s barely enough room for me.” Some strategically placed tape saved her from potential dress catastrophes, otherwise it was just her and a hint of underwear in it.

“I think you have enough magic, even without the beer.”

“That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in days,” she muttered with a wry chuckle, avoided his eyes. They moved over the dancefloor, weaved through the other dancing couples.

“So, tell me if this is crossing a line -” he said after another spin, making her stomach drop. Nothing good ever started with such an intro.

“- but I would like to take your picture.”

“My picture? Like – like what? Portrait? Nudes?” She leaned back to be able to look into his eyes, found them sparkling, the corners crinkled by his wide grin.

“You’d want me to take nudes of you?”

“No, you – I definitely don’t want that. You just made a pretty strange suggestion.” A short shake of her hair, a burst of air out of her nose dismissed any interest in getting her picture taken in her birthday suit by him.

“Well, in that case I’m glad I’m actually talking about a portrait. Keep your clothes on, all I want is your face. What do you say?”

A few questions crossed her mind, mostly ‘Why?’ and ‘Does he ask that every woman he flirts with?’ Out of her mouth came a statement, though, not a question.

“I don’t think my husband would like that.” Once again he spun her, caught her when she came back with too much momentum.

“Why not? It’s strictly professional, I promise. You get to see the picture before I publish it. Heck, if he’s that wary you can bring him to the photo shooting. Might be better anyway.”

Her eyebrows knitted in confusion she stared at him.

“It’s your smile, okay? There’s something in your smile… I can’t even describe it. All I know is that I want to capture it ever since I saw it for the first time. See? Nothing shady.”

“My smile?” How did she smile? Her face muscles seemed unable to remember the correct position, put in the spot like this. “Yeah, I don’t think my husband could help with it at the moment.” She pressed her lips together, hid her face against his shoulder.

“What’s wrong? Shouldn’t he be the one to make you smile the most?” Again his breath tickled the loose hairs, fanned her neck. She stiffened in his hold, ramrod instead of pliant.

“Thank you for the dance, but I have to go back to work now.”

“Huh? Did I say something wrong?”

A curt shake of her head and she stepped back, out of his arms and into reality.

“Congratulations on winning the award, Yushima-san. I was rooting for you.” She bowed politely, turned on her heel and made her way towards Liana without looking back.

 

“What’s wrong? Did he do anything to you?” Alarmed by the stiffness of Jazz’s back and her rigid expression Liana took a step towards her.

Jazz shook her head, kept walking until she reached a small door leading to some office space they used as storage for the event, Liana hot on her heels.

“Hey, what-?”

Once the door was closed behind them Jazz slumped down on a crate, head in her hands.

“I’m so – so stupid…” A frustrated groan and she inhaled sharply, ran her hands over her cheeks, wiped her forehead. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“You sure? Because it doesn’t look like you’re okay.” Arms crossed in front of her Liana stared at Jazz, concern and anger furrowing her brow.

“Do you know that? When someone makes a comment in passing, seemingly casual points out something and suddenly you are like: ‘Yeah, wait. That’s my problem right now!’.”

Liana tilted her head, waited for more context. “No. ‘Someone’ and ‘Something’ are a bit too vague for me to relate to.” She took a seat on a desk, crossed her legs, tapped one foot in the air.

“He should make me smile, right? Not make me worry and sneak around on my tiptoes all the time. He used to, I mean, that was part of why I fell for him. He made me happy, made me smile more than anyone else.”

From her sleeve Liana pulled a tissue, handed it to Jazz who wiped her nose. “So you actually fell for that photographer, huh? And I knew you were too into him. All that smiling and glowing…”

The statement was almost an accusation, laced with disappointment and bitterness. Jazz scoffed, choked on her own sobs.

“What? No! I’m talking about Subaru! Dammit, losing Mizuki has changed him and now it’s all gloomy and cold at home. I’m not sure how much longer I can take this. I just want my husband back.” Jazz wiped her cheeks with the tissue, stained it with black streaks of mascara.

“Oh.”

Two deep breaths later Jazz calmed down, bit the tears back.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to get all mushy and emotional. It’s just – I don’t know what to do. I offered him to listen and comfort him, he didn’t want that. I try to give him the time and space he seems to need and now we only drift further apart. Everything I do is wrong and I’m running out of options.” Either being selfish or clingy and overbearing – was there no alternative?

“I need some middle course but can’t find it.” Jazz wiped her face with her hands, checked them for makeup smudges. “How bad is it?”

“Not bad at all.” With a fresh tissue Liana dabbed just under Jazz’s eyes, biting her lips. “Have you tried talking to him? About what this does to you? He should know how much this affects you.”

“I don’t want to burden him any further, but I guess I can’t keep going like this.” Jazz stood up, shook her hands and tilted her head once right and left.

“Okay, let’s finish this job. I’ll take care of my private problems afterwards.”

“No, I got this. You go home or stay in here a bit longer, I don’t care. From here on the event will be smooth sailing, don’t worry. You need a break.” One hand raised Liana stopped Jazz from objecting and squared her shoulders. “We can’t have you run away crying every time a guest says something to you.”

 

It was past midnight when Jazz came home into an empty apartment. No text, no note told her where Subaru was; she figured he had another nightshift. After a shower she went to bed, wondering how they had gone from happily married to practical strangers in just two weeks.

After an event that took as long as the award show she only had to get to the office at noon, but Subaru didn’t come home during her extended breakfast. She left him some food on a plate and decided to take a short trip to visit Katsuragi.

 

“Sergeant Fujiwara, Lieutenant Goto, we found out some interesting details regarding that vessel you investigate.” Captain Ishigami handed Miho a report, watched her read it.

“A guest? Like, a passenger? On a freight ship?”

“Not that uncommon. Nowadays with all those cruises there are still some people who want to travel off the usual tourist paths. It’s often cheaper, too,” Goto explained, took the report from his wife and gave it a read.

“Okay, but it looks as if it’s the same passenger, several times. So either it’s someone related to a crew member or…” She let her sentence trail off, looked at Goto with her eyebrows raised.

“Or it’s someone who wants to keep tabs on the ship and its cargo. We got a name?”

Ishigami flashed them a tight smile. “Indeed, we have. You look into this. Any connection is immediately reported back to me.”

“Yes, sir,” both assured, waited until he had left with a short nod before they stormed back to their computers.

“I do the background check,” Miho announced and typed furiously.

“I match the trips the person took on the ship with our schedule of suspected illegal shipments.” Goto’s typing speed matched hers, together they tapped into databases and reports until they ran out of material in the late afternoon.

 

“I’m home.”

Jazz set her purse down, kicked off her heels and sighed when the pressure on her feet disappeared. Back home it was socially accepted for women to wear whatever kind of shoes they liked, just for some occupations there was specific footwear. She had learned early that Japan had different rules. Going to work in flats? Or even sandals? Unthinkable. Heels were part of the office lady uniform and since Jazz was already sticking out, as a pale blonde European, she didn’t want to appear rude by ignoring these rules.

Still, she was glad when she could slip out of her heels in the evening.

Barefooted she trudged into the kitchen, put on the kettle for some tea and opened the fridge to see what she could make for dinner. The empty cup and a used plate in the sink told her Subaru had at least eaten his breakfast – at some point before 6pm.

She slipped out of her shift dress, made her way into the bedroom to change into something casual. A suit was lying on the bed, the note on top of it only said ‘dry cleaner’s’. It crumbled with a satisfying sound in her fist, landed in the waste bin next to her drawer.

“That’s it.” Time for wine and pizza.

Wedding magazines piled up on the coffee table, the half empty bottle of red wine and the half eaten pizza, still in its box, were forgotten while Jazz browsed through some pictures on her laptop. Subaru and Jazz at the beach, Subaru and Jazz at their wedding day, Subaru alone, sleeping on the couch. Miho, Goto and Subaru around a table laden with food. Jazz and Miho dressed in yukatas for Tanabata. Every picture of Jazz showed her with varying degrees of a smile. It was nothing special, her smile. Lips drawn up, the corners of her eyes crinkled slightly. Sometimes her nose was also wrinkled, sometimes the dimple in her left cheek was showing. There wasn’t the one true smile, she figured.

Fueled by the wine she searched his name in her browser again. Yushima Jinpachi. Photographer, traveler, hottie. There was barely gossip about him, nothing indicated his offer could have been shady. She clicked at one article about the award event. There he was, in his suit and with the hair tied into the usual ponytail, the award in his hand. Was it strange for him to get his photo taken by some reporter?

Her bosses would be pleased with the media coverage, every article was praising the event, pictures showed the decorations and band, people smiling and having fun.

For Jazz it was just another job well done. No one would remember it tomorrow, there would be a new job to care of, and another after that. In between she would come home to a husband who hid from her.

Her glass trembled when she set the laptop down on the table with a bit too much force. Another night shift. Three weeks of night shifts, of only fleeting contact, texts and barely ever a call. No reason for her to smile.

She downed the glass, the wine was tart and heavy. Made her careless. Stupid.

Setting up an email account with a neutral name was easy and quickly done. Sending the email was a bad idea. But it also was easy and quickly done.

“Take my picture. I want to see my smile from your perspective. Your personal beer fairy.”  

The cover of the laptop closed with a soft click. Jazz exhaled, took her glass and the bottle into the kitchen and got ready for bed.

 

The apartment door slammed around 2 am, startled her out of muddled dreams. If this was an intruder they didn’t do a great job concealing their presence. So it must have been her husband. She crawled out of bed, padded towards the door but jumped when this was slammed open, too.

“Are you snooping on me?” His tie was askew, his hair a mess.

“W-what? No… what – what’s this?” Sleep still clung to her, with heavy eyelids and a tired brain she stared at him, had troubles focusing.

“You came to Katsuragi and asked him to change my shifts? You went behind my fucking back and tattled to my boss?” He ran a hand through his hair, paced in front of her. Blocked the door.

“I didn’t tattle and I didn’t snoop. I just dropped by and chatted with Katsuragi because I figured it must be hard for him, too. And yes, I mentioned the number of night shifts you’re pulling because I worry about you and your health. I also asked him if you were talking to him about losing Mizuki because you won’t talk to me or Goto about it. Is that a problem? That I worry about my husband?” Getting yelled at worked better than coffee to wake her up, it drew her anger and frustration right up to the top of her head, made it spill out of her mouth without a filter.

“Worry? More like trying to control everything. I will talk when I’m ready to talk.” He snorted, crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Sure, and in the meantime you keep running from me? Don’t you even think for one second I don’t notice what you’re doing, Ichiyanagi Subaru. I know you for years already, and so far you never, never before ignored me for a whole week, let alone three.” Her voice shrilled through the bedroom, echoed off the walls. “I have no idea what you are punishing me for, but I’m sick of it. You want to go on like this? Well, don’t be surprised if you feel ready to finally talk and have to find out that there’s no one left to listen.” The trembling of her hands crept into her voice, she kept clenching and unclenching her fists, fought against the maelstrom of emotions pulling at her, dragging her towards a dark place and words she wouldn’t be able to take back once she said them.

“Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?” His hands dropped to his sides only to end up on his hips. Straightened up to his full height, taller by a head than Jazz, he glared at her.

“It’s only a threat if I don’t plan on acting on it.” She choked on her words, her throat tight and heart hammering in her chest. This wasn’t the man she had married, this was a stranger. And he was scaring her.

“Just so you know, not the whole world revolves around you,” he hissed, eyes widening when she flinched.

“I know. And right now I don’t even play a role in your world. Not even as an extra.” A careful step back, another one and she bumped against the bed. “But whatever you choose to do, it also affects me. I’m your wife, Subaru! I’m part of your life, no matter what.” And she had failed. Failed him, their marriage, her vows. She couldn’t support him, couldn’t be there for him when he needed her the most. Because she didn’t know how.

Tears forced their way from her eyes down her cheeks.

“Call me selfish for wanting my husband back, our life back. This – this isn’t us. You can barely look at me and I – it hurts when you turn your back on me like this. Do you know when you last just kissed me? Because I can’t remember. And I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to be in the same room with you when we can’t even talk. Or touch. When you just ignore me. I can’t take that. I just can’t.” Sobs and more tears. So many tears.

“Calm down.” His shoulders sagged with his exhale, he rubbed his face with both hands. “Stop crying already.” He didn’t offer her an explanation but at least a tissue. The bed dipped  when he sat down, he tugged at her hand so she joined him. Clung to him.

“I –  I didn’t know this was so hard on you.” His hand ran up and down her back, over warm skin and the soft fabric of her nightgown. “It’s just – I have some things to figure out.”

Frantic gulps of air filled her lungs with his scent, the usual mix of his cologne and shampoo. And something else. Sharp and bitter was the lingering stench of smoke, permeated his hair and clothes.

“I get this is hard,” she pressed out, hiccuped once. “I miss Mizuki, too. Must be worse for you. All the anger and frustration – I get that. But he’s gone now and we are still here. Only that you are not. You are trapped somewhere else, far away from me and that scares the hell out of me.” A dark place where she couldn’t reach him. “Maybe… maybe you should talk to a professional. To deal with your grief.” There were psychologists and grief counselors, as a cop he had a right to see one. As a man he probably refused to do so.

“That’s – yeah, Mizuki’s death is part of the problem. But it’s not all.” The hand on her back trembled. Jazz sat up, wiped her face. He was talking. Finally he was talking and she didn’t care what it took to get him there.

“What else is the problem? Baby, you know you can talk to me about everything. I will just listen, I promise I won’t even interrupt you. Keeping it in won’t help you.” Kneeling on the bed next to him she implored him to trust her, prayed for this to be the moment to mend whatever had been broken between them. “I can’t understand it if you don’t tell me. And I can’t help you until I understand.” Both her hands enveloped his, held it tightly.

He looked tired. Dark circles under his eyes, the frown etched into his face. She wanted to take his burden, share it with him. Make him smile again. Have him back.

“After the incident – after Mizuki got shot…” His breathing was shallow, his words slow. “Things were strange. Everyone was shocked, some cried, some were just silent.” He licked his lips, shook his head. His free hand joined their clasped ones, added warmth and pressure. “I was – numb. Functioned. Ordered the search for the attacker, made sure Fukuhara and his wife were safe.”

His grip on her hands was bordering painful. She wouldn’t interrupt him, though, silently listened to his words.

“Went to see how my team was doing.” He whispered, head hanging low. “I – I slept with Takamura.”

The alarm clock showed 2:21 am in bright red numbers. Jazz would remember it later as the time her heart broke.

The scent of smoke – Part 9

“So I‘m coming back tomorrow night,” Subaru just let Jazz know over the phone.

“Good. I miss you,” she almost sang before she got serious again. “How’s Mizuki doing?”

“Still hasn’t regained consciousness.”

Jazz could see Subaru’s face in her mind’s eyes, the crease between his eyebrows, the tight line his lips formed when he was frustrated.

She couldn’t even offer him comfort; had tried so the day before but every of her attempts sounded like a platitude, worn out and shallow to her own ears.

“Take care on your trip back,” was what she said instead. “I love you.”

His tired sigh sent a burst of longing through her heart. If only she could hug him, smooth out the frown with her fingertips.

“I love you, too. So, so much…” Subaru cleared his throat. “Okay, I have to go now. I will send you a text when we leave here, but I don’t think I’ll have enough time to actually call.”

“Okay, I understand.” Only one more night. She could make it through one more night without him.

 

“Mann-san, thank you for preparing this preparation today.” Mr. Takuchi dipped his chin slightly, waited for Jazz to bow before he went on. “As you know this is a crucial event for our agency. What are your plans for it?”

Jazz launched into her pitch, showed pictures of the museum, played samples of the music.

“The overall idea is it to bring back the grande time of photography. To honor its origins and prosperity period.”

Four men were watching her, their faces the usual polite mask Jazz had gotten used to ever since coming to Japan. Mr. Takuchi, her direct superior. Yamamoto, who had lost this job in the first place. Makoto, Mr. Takuchi’s secretary. And the actual client, Professor Nozumi, head of the award jury.

“Thank you, Mann-san. This was enlightening and I’m certain we are having a lot to think about now. We will let you know what we decide, please wait for our call.”

Again she bowed and left, knowing this was a formality rather than an actual pitch. There simply wasn’t enough time to change plans again, but they couldn’t just give her free rein. She was a woman, a foreigner, with a reputation of planning incredible weddings. But only weddings. The constant check-ins would become less and less during the next few jobs, she was certain. Almost certain. She hoped for it.

Back in her own office she checked her phone only to find the notifications empty. Eight, maybe ten hours and Subaru would come home.

“How did it go?” Liana poked her head in, entered fully when Jazz motioned towards the chair.

“I think they are going to agree to all my plans. They lack alternatives anyway.” She opened a drawer, set a box with cookies on the desk.

“You want one?” Sugar was probably a bad idea, Jazz was already buzzing with restless energy, tapping her toes and fidgeting with her pen.

“No thanks, I’m going out for dinner tonight.” Liana crossed her legs, smoothed down her pencil skirt.

“That explains the posh outfit today.” Her eyebrow raised Jazz bit into a cookie, caught the crumbs with her free hand. “You are going out awfully often lately,” she mumbled, still chewing.

“And?”

“Nothing ‘and’. Just saying I noticed. So it’s going well with Ishigami?” She brushed the last crumbs off her hands and desk, threw the box back into the drawer. Out of sight, but never out of mind.

“It’s only dinner dates so far but I enjoy it. We talk a lot, he’s really smart and sophisticated. Considerate. So yes, it’s going well.” Liana’s small smile was telling Jazz the gist of a story she really wanted details of.

“Hahhh, the beginning of something is always so exciting. To find out all the new things, try out different things.” She put her hands behind her head, leaned back in her chair.

“Sounds as if someone’s missing a bit of excitement. Not enough fresh air in your marriage?”

“Nah,” Jazz objected softly, leaned forwards now. “We are good. No signs of a lull yet and I intend to keep it like that. It’s just – I like to think back to the beginnings every now and then. Subaru really drove me crazy, weak knees and butterflies included. He still does, from time to time, but there’s so much more than tingles and a racing heart now. And I like that even better.”

“Well, we are still in the ‘getting to know each other’ phase. There is a certain tension and excitement and it’s very enjoyable.” With a wide grin Liana got up when Jazz’s phone rang. “Good luck with the higher ups and have fun welcoming your husband back home.”

“Thanks and thanks.” Jazz picked up the phone, back in work mode. The anticipation would only come once she was at home, getting everything ready for Subaru’s return.

 

When his key turned in the lock Jazz was ready. Dinner was in the oven, kept warm. A bottle of wine was on the table, together with two glasses and some snacks. Also she was shaved and showered, just in case he was hungry for something else than food.

“I’m back,” he yelled through the hallway so Jazz skipped out of the living room, jumped into his arms.

“Welcome back.” He smelled familiar and comforting, she buried her nose in the crook of her neck, but pulled back when she caught a whiff of smoke.

“Let me bring my luggage away first.” He patted her head, made her frown with this gesture. He never did that before.

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead, I’ll get dinner ready for us.”

Bowls and plates piled up on the coffee table in the living room when Subaru came back, in casual clothes now.

“We are eating here?”

“I thought it’s cozier here. Come, take a seat.” She patted on the space next to her on the couch, handed him a glass of wine.

“I missed you.” Close to him after the time apart she snuggled up, tucked herself under his arm, against his side.

“I missed you, too.” Half of his wine was gone before she offered him the first snack. “But I’m also hungry.”

They passed bowls back and forth, Jazz filled the space between them with chatter, happy giggles and an occasional peck on his cheek, lips and neck. He responded mostly with grunts, kept eating and nodded every now and then when she looked at him expectantly. Another glass of wine and a full meal later he leaned back on the couch, patted Jazz’s thigh.

“Ready to talk now?” Patience wasn’t her strong point. Despite the relieve of having her husband back he still had to tell her what exactly had happened.

“Things went wrong, someone got shot and I’m still mad about that.”

He reached for the wine bottle, refilled his glass. Jazz placed a hand on his back, the tension in his muscles made her frown.

“That much I already gathered from your calls and the news. I’d like to get the bigger picture, though.”

In one swig he downed his wine, but stayed on the edge of the couch.

“That would just worry you unnecessarily.”

“And not knowing what’s going on won’t worry me?” She snorted, scooted closer to the edge, too. “Stop keeping secrets from me, babe. You don’t have to carry that all by yourself.”

He looked at her, for the first time that night took in her expression. Concern creased her forehead, darkened her eyes.

With a sigh he pulled her into his embrace.

“Sorry. You are right. Okay, what do you know about Fukuhara and his politics?”

“He’s the next big hope for Tokyo, at least according to his supporters. Safety and progress while keeping up the traditions.” She was citing some phrase she read on a flyer a while ago.

“Something along those lines. Japan, especially Tokyo, is already pretty safe. But lately Fukuhara has set his mind on clearing Tokyo of certain crimes. Gun and drug trafficking mostly. And obviously his vigorous effort caught some interest from the wrong guys. He got some death threats, a few weeks ago.”

Jazz drew a sharp breath, sat up so she could look at him.

“That’s why you are in charge of his protection now.” Not even asking it as a question she didn’t need his answer. “And here I was wondering why it takes three well trained bodyguards to keep one politician safe. Especially since he doesn’t even hold a major post yet.”

“Yeah. And he brought his wife on this trip, so that’s also a factor. He didn’t want to leave her behind, not with how he’s getting targeted at the moment.”

Fukuhara and his wife were the model couple of modern Japanese politics, even made it on some magazine covers. Young – at least in comparison –  successful, good looking.

“Okay, so far I can follow.”

“Well, we split up that day. I stayed with the wife, Mizuki and Takamura accompanied Fukuhara.” His hand rested on his thigh, Jazz grabbed it and squeezed lightly.

“You haven’t been there?” When it happened. When Mizuki got shot.

“No. They called me immediately but I wasn’t even close.”

Jazz bit back the ‘thank goodness’, someone else ended up in hospital after all.

“So we stopped the event, got Fukuhara and his wife out of there. Police was everywhere all of sudden, plus the media. Things were crazy and I needed a while to call you.”

He exhaled, squeezed her hand back.

“I’m so sorry.” And here she had yelled at him for not texting her sooner. “How – how’s Mizuki doing?”

“Not good. He’s getting weaker. Collapsed twice. They – he might not make it.”

Following her instincts she hugged him, as tightly as she could. There were no words of comfort, no promises that it would be alright in the end.

“I’m not good company right now. How about you go to bed first? I – I didn’t even have time to think about it all so far. Might want to take a quick walk.”

Her gaze flitted over to the window, it was already dark outside.

“You just came back and want me to go to bed alone again?” She jutted out her bottom lip and batted her lashes at him, but Subaru only scoffed.

“Really? One of my coworkers is basically dying as we speak and all you can think of is what? Sex?” He got up in one swift motion, almost jumped.

“What? No, that’s – I wasn’t implying sex. I just missed you and want to comfort you. Some people like some physical contact from time to time, and I’m not talking about banging.” The change of mood was palpable, his anger so intense she never witnessed before.

“Yeah, as if. You can be really selfish sometimes, you know that?” With that he stormed off, Jazz heard his keys jingle and the door slam shut.

“What the heck did just happen?” Her question, muttered into the empty room, trailed off without an answer.

 

She was still awake when he came back, some time after 3am. Lying in the bed, the covers pulled up to her nose she pretended to sleep while he stomped through the entryway, cursed lowly. Slurred. Jazz strained her ears, could tell when he went into the bathroom – and peed while standing up – stumbled into the kitchen for hopefully a glass of water and finally came to rest in the living room. After a few minutes of silence she tiptoed over, found Subaru snoring on the couch.

The smell of alcohol was strong, even from a few steps away. She took a blanket, threw it over him. Maybe he needed this, a way to let off some steam, to deal with the anger and guilt. Tomorrow they could talk about it.

She wouldn’t apologize, though. But she wouldn’t make it hard for him, either.

Back in bed she only fell asleep when the early summer sun peeked through the curtains.

 

Jazz smiled at the waitress, paused in her sentence and waited until her food was in front of her and the waitress gone again before she continued.

“So things haven’t been exactly easy and I thought, maybe Goto could have a nice heart to heart with him about this whole situation.” Her tea was already gone again so she signaled for the waitress, avoided Miho’s gaze from the other side of the table.

“And with situation you mean…?” Miho’s hand drew a few circles into the air, prompted Jazz to elaborate.

“We got the call yesterday morning. Mizuki died after collapsing again.” Jazz poked a tomato in her salad with a fork, just shoved it around in her bowl.

“Oh shit, I haven’t heard of that. How’s he taking it?” With practiced ease Miho snatched the olives from Jazz’s salad, dropped them in her own bowl.

“He refuses to talk to me. Like, at all. Not even the basic stuff, like ‘Good morning’ and ‘I’m off’. Nothing. Just broods and avoids me.” It was just an escalation from the days before.  After coming home drunk that first night back they had barely talked more than two sentences. Mostly about what to have for dinner and who would pay a certain bill. Definitely not about how he dealt with the loss and guilt. And now, with the worst case coming true, he had completely withdrawn from Jazz.

“He drinks more.” Not so much or often that she saw the need to intervene, just enough so she noticed. And worried.

“The whole attack on a politician gave our investigation a boost, though. Permits come faster, easier. We are going to inspect a ship soon, once it’s back in port. But I guess Seiji can spare an evening to check on Ichiyanagi.”

The other guests at the restaurant provided enough background noise to cover up Jazz’s sigh.

“Thanks, that would be great. I guess I just can’t really understand what it means being in your shoes, having to deal with the risk of losing someone at any given time. Except for being married to an officer of course.” Which was a private risk, not a professional one.

“Well, you know my opinion. Gotta live life to the fullest, yada yada yada. That’s why we don’t have kids, just dogs.” Miho took a piece of bread, dipped it into the dressing.

“Which I won’t take in case both of you kick the bucket. We had that discussion already.”

“But they are such good boys!” Miho whined, her own puppy eyes  directed at Jazz in full force now.

“And they are huge! Like, small ponies. No, thanks. Let your in laws have them.” Jazz shoved a fascicle of lettuce into her mouth to end the discussion.

“Fine. But you are their godmother, if you want it or not.”

“Fine,” Jazz parroted around a mouthful of greens. “When they have their First Communion, I’ll read the prayers.”

 

Superstition wasn’t a big part of Jazz’s life, just like religion. She believed in some cosmic karma, but in the end everyone was responsible for their own happiness in her opinion. So far it had worked for her, but now she came to the point where her private life hit rock bottom while she soared at work. Every single suggestion she made for the award show got praised, the suppliers were cooperative and she even found a stunning dress for that night for a cut-price. Meanwhile her husband kept staring at her without saying a word.

He was grieving, hurt, probably mad and she wanted to give him the support he needed. But how should she do that if she had no clue what exactly it was? More time and space without bugging him about mundane questions? Encouraging him to talk to her? Just being there and hugging him?

It was a week already and she had tried it all, with no success. As if her mere presence was annoying to Subaru he kept his distance, only came to bed when she was already asleep or worked night shifts to begin with.

“Okay, flowers will get delivered tomorrow, the stage is getting assembled today. Music, food and drinks are clear, too. Looks as if we got an event tomorrow night.” Liana ticked some more boxes on her list, nodded and smiled. “That was quite a feat, I wasn’t sure we can pull it off.”

“And I wouldn’t have managed without you.” With Liana’s support she had handled every bump in the road so she only had to make sure she looked presentable for the awards.

“How about a bonus, then?” Liana tapped her pen against the clipboard, batted her lashes.

“That was a good one. How about I treat you to lunch?”

Jazz shut down her computer, stretched her arms above her head. “Or are you going out for dinner again today?”

“Lunch sounds good. I have to make some calls first. How about we leave in half an hour?” The clipboard in her hand Liana got up, tilted her head to the side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just – tired. This was all a bit last minute and I feel like glued to this desk. Half an hour works great for me. Ramen or Italian?”

Distraction was the key. The more time she spent at work or with other people, the less she mulled over Subaru and his strange behavior. No, not strange, she corrected herself inwardly. He was grieving and beating himself up. She just hadn’t seen him this way before.

“Let’s just see how full our usual bistro is and decide then.”

A suggestion Jazz could accept, especially since she didn’t care what she ate. Eating without Subaru was only half as fun anyway.

 

The black dress was still in a garment bag, but Jazz had her hair in an updo, her makeup was also done with more accuracy than normally. Catwing eyeliner and ruby red lips, matching the nail polish on her fingers and toes.

“Isn’t that a bit much?”

The first complete sentence Subaru said to her in a week.

“With the dress later it will all come together to a modern homage to old Hollywood,” she let him know, took a careful sip from her tea. A light smudge of lipstick stained the rim of the cup, she rubbed it off with her thumb.

“Old Hollywood? In your office?” He missed her glare, was pouring himself a coffee.

“I know you are a bit – occupied lately.” The cup clattered on the counter when Jazz turned to face him. “But after I kept talking about this award show I put together over the last few weeks I somehow expected you to at least remember the date. Today. So I’m going to go directly to the location from here, will make sure everything is prepared and perfect for tonight and yes, old Hollywood is the perfect theme for my look.”

“Wow.” He slurped some coffee, furrowed his brow. “Someone’s cranky today, huh?”

After tiptoeing around him for days, careful not to upset him any further, her patience was thin enough to consider it see-through.

“I’m not cranky, I’m nervous and stressed and could use some support from my husband who’s unfortunately completely unavailable for me right now.” She frantically blinked against the tears, had no time to redo her makeup if she bawled now.

“Unavailable? I’m right here.” Arms wide open he shrugged, spilled a bit of his coffee on the floor. “Oh shit.”

“You are here, but you don’t take part in our life anymore. You go through the motions, without listening to a single word I say, without even looking at me anymore. I get that the whole situation is messy and painful and honestly, it just sucks. I was so happy you came back to me, but now you are just a ghost here.” During her tirade she grabbed a paper towel, wiped the floor clean and came back up to find his smug expression gone.

“A ghost?”

“Maybe not a ghost, but you are not yourself anymore. And I miss you.” She glanced at the clock, cursed lowly. “I’m going to be late.”

“Wait.”

He set his cup down, next to hers, and took both her hands.

“You got an eyelash there.”

His face was close to hers now, with a fingertip he carefully wiped right under her eye, showed her the lash for her to blow it away.

“Make a wish.”

When they started dating he didn’t know about this childish custom. Had stared at her fingertip with his lash for a full minute while she had explained what she wanted him to do.

“Like blowing out candles on a birthday cake, you know? Just not only once a year.” A silly superstition, one of the few she had kept over the years.

He had adapted it, made sure to offer her every eyelash he found on her face.

She closed her eyes, focused on her wish – an obvious one – and sent a quick breath of air towards his finger. The eyelash vanished, carried her hopes off to whatever power in universe was in charge of eyelash wishes.

“What did you wish for?”

Her eyes found his again, so close now.

“It’s not going to come true if I tell you.” The way she bit her bottom lip and stared at his mouth was enough of a hint, at least it should have been. But when he leaned in he pressed his lips on her forehead and pulled back too soon for her to follow up with a decent kiss.

“I don’t want to ruin your makeup. You’re looking too pretty for me to mess it up.”

“Yeah, sure. Of course. After all looks are all that matters.” A step back, away from him and the false comfort, and she exhaled deeply. “I have no idea how long the event will take tonight. Don’t wait for me.” Not that he would do so anyway.

 

Hours of busy preparation later Jazz found a quiet spot to change into her dress and touch up her makeup. Black peep toe high heels showed off her nail polish, a nice contrast to the black dress and her pale skin. Glamorous, sophisticated and a hint of teasing – the perfect outfit for tonight. She put in her earpiece, grabbed a clipboard and joined Liana who had changed into a navy blue shift dress.

“Ah, Mann-san. Is everything ready?” Professor Nozumi, in a dark grey suit with a blue tie this time, greeted her, let his gaze wander through the room.

“Yes, Sensei, everything is going according to plan. We open the doors in 20 minutes, handing out the awards can start one hour later. After that there will be time to mingle and celebrate with music, food and drinks. All in this wonderful location, filled with art and atmosphere.” She bowed politely, tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear afterwards.

“I have to admit, I was sceptical at first when Takuchi-san told me about the change in personnel, but I enjoy what you came up with.”

A waiter walked past them, Jazz motioned for him to come back.

“I’m happy it is to your liking. Would you want a drink?”

After providing Professor Nozumi with drinks and giving some last instructions to the caterer and waiting staff Jazz prowled around the museum. The last minutes before an event started were the worst, nerves made her jumpy and scenarios of possible catastrophes ran through her mind.

When the doors opened she was smiling, greeted the guests and took care of smaller problems. No catastrophe so far.

This time she was prepared when he came through the door, in a dark suit but without a tie.

“Well, hello gorgeous. Not behind the bar tonight?”

“Yushima-san, hello. Welcome to our party, I hope you’ll enjoy it.” She bowed, but grinned when she came back up. That strand of hair was bothering her again, she should have brought some spare hairpins.

“Now that I see you, I bet I will. Nice dress.”

Black satin with a halter top it was tight fitted and flared out from her hips downwards. Her back was left bare, thanks to a clever bra solution without any straps at all.

“Well, it’s not appropriate for handing out beer, but I thought it’s nice enough to stand around and show off what god and my weekly 20 minutes in a gym gave me.” She turned a bit, looked at him over her shoulder. His gaze followed the lines and curves of her body, from her shoes up to the nape of her neck. A low harrumph and he looked her in the eyes again.

“Yeah, definitely nothing I would cover up with an apron and a bar counter either.”

Her heart made a small somersault, for the first time in days her smile reached her eyes.

“Your seat is over there. Should I show you the way?” Back in her event planner mode she motioned towards a table close to the stage.

“Sure, if it’s no trouble for you.”

Jazz nodded towards Liana, handed the clipboard over and turned back to Yushima.

“Follow me.” She held her head high, accentuated her nape and back this way, teasing him on the short way to the table. All nominees were sitting at different tables, mixed in with the other guests. “Your category will be last, so you have enough time to mingle and have a drink. If there’s anything you need, tell me.”

If he was aware of the double meaning he didn’t show it, just dipped his head briefly. “Thank you, I will.”

A last smile and Jazz returned to her post, greeted the guests and showed the nominees their seats.

There was a small incident with a waiter and a glass of red wine, otherwise the presentation went off without a hitch. The Emcee found a good balance between dignified and entertaining and when the last category was up Jazz was on her toes to see who won.

“Yushima Jinpachi for his ‘Impressions of a rainy country’.”

Applause filled the hall, Jazz clapped until her hands ached, watched Yushima get on stage to accept his award.

“Thank you, this means a lot to me. I’m always looking for that special image, an idea captured in colors and shapes. It honors me others see the same when they look at my pictures. Or maybe they see something else in them, but at least they are looking for something, not walking the earth blindly. Opening someone’s eyes to a new concept, a new picture is all I ever hope for and with this award I feel as if I managed. At least for a few people. So thank you very much.” He bowed briefly, caught Jazz’s eyes while she beamed up at him.

The actual party started after the award presentation, music and drinks helped getting people in an exuberant mood. Waitstaff was busy offering drinks and snacks, some journalists interviewed guests and award winners.

Standing close to the bar Jazz monitored the event, the tension now gone, replaced by fatigue and aching feet – the default setting for work.

Her polite smile never wavered, not while facing some over the top demands of one guests and not when someone spilled wine on her dress. At least it was black, impossible to notice a stain on. Even this was more appealing than being at home and getting ignored by her husband.

“Hey, gorgeous, could you do me favor?”

At some point she must have tuned out, only blinked back into reality when Yushima stood right in front of her.

“Do you need a beer?” she asked, tilted her head to the side.

“That, too. But right now I need you to dance with me.”

Or maybe she was still daydreaming.

“What?”

“This reporter keeps pestering me and I guess the only way to get rid of him is to be busy with something else. Like dancing with the most beautiful woman here.” He offered her his hand, waited patiently while she hesitated. “Come on, it’s my big night. Won’t you give me this dance?”

The last time they had danced was still vivid in her mind. How he had held her, dipped her. How much fun it had been. Her thoughts flitted to Subaru. Would he be angry if he knew about this? But it was just a dance after all.

With a bright smile she placed her hand into his. “I’d love to.”

His fingers were warm as they closed around hers, with his free hand in the small of her back he lead her towards the dance floor.

Blood Spatter: Part Seven

RECAP of Part Six: Kiril and Miho finally relent to the inexplicable attraction that has been drawing them together, and Miho finally contacts a concerned yet still cryptic Sebastian. Following information from the vampire king of Prague, Jazz and Konstantin are discovered, but it is not entirely a happy – nor peaceful – reunion.

In the past I have felt like a bit of a grandma for carrying a handkerchief, but right now I’m glad to have it. If I could, I’d be sitting in Jazz’s lap. I want to curl my arms and legs around her and never let go, but I actually feel pretty weak with relief that she’s still… alive.

That’s the other thing isn’t it? Kiril and I talked about the possibility, but now the reality is squeezing my hand almost painfully.

Jazz is a vampire now.

Even in my ugly crying state, I can tell Konstantin is highly apprehensive. He’s not letting Kiril out of his sight, like maybe he thinks Konrad sent us here to kill them both, but at the same time he wants to comfort Jazz who is clearly struggling with the moment.

No one really knows who should talk first, but eventually, I cough something out – the biggest question of them all.

“Why?”

“How did you even find us?” Konstantin scowls, ignoring me.

Kiril’s response is curt.

“I didn’t, she did,” he points out, indicating with his thumb in my direction. “Now answer her question.”

“Why what?” Konstantin glares, and I have to fight not to shrink back.

“And watch your tone,” Kiril snaps icily, and Jazz places her hand on my knee before leaning toward the two men.

“Cut it out, both of you,” she growls, then looks to me with such an apologetic shadow in her beautiful blue eyes I nearly forget how mad I am at her. “I’m sorry, Miho, really. It was never my intention to hurt you. Things just got… complicated… really quickly.”

Her hand is cold.

“I didn’t even know,” I sniff, “you were serious… but becoming a vampire serious?”

Jazz winces.

“We didn’t plan it like that,” Konstantin replies. “And it is my fault.”

“Not just yours,” Jazz quickly adds. “I didn’t say no.”

“I just got… carried away,” Konstantin frowns, looking into Jazz’s face apologetically.

“That is usually my line,” Kiril snorts, perhaps an attempt to lighten the mood in his own way, but it falls flat.

“It is what it is,” Jazz rationalises. “And I don’t regret it, not the vampire part anyway.”

Though Konstantin is still peering at her, Jazz’s eyes return to Miho and rest there.

“I can’t go back to London, Miho, or the UK even,” she goes on, and instantly both Miho and Kiril are shaking their heads.

“I honestly do not care what you do,” Kiril declares, pointing at Jazz, “but he is going back, unless he wants Konrad’s finest hunting him down and killing anything that gets in their way.”

Konstantin winces, so it’s clear he knows the truth in that statement.

“I won’t be leaving him,” Jazz announces forcefully, and I feel as much as see the tension in her hand, the creep of her fingers toward a fist.

“Do you even understand the predicament you have put yourself in?” Kiril presses, and I – at least – feel as if he has grown ten feet. “Konstantin is Konrad’s golden child, the one upon whom he pins his legacy because he is purportedly the elusive perfect mix of blood powers.”

It’s a surprise Konstantin doesn’t interject; he shifts uncomfortably, for though in another tone Kiril’s assertion could have been a compliment, even to my ears it sounds like a terrible and oppressive yoke.

“He has spent centuries breeding for a vampire like Konstantin,” Kiril snorts, and there is bitterness there. “Many women and many children slain because they did not meet his standards – he will not let his hard work run away with a turned for something as foolish as love.”

“You only say love is foolish because you lack the capacity to feel it,” Konstantin spits, and I cannot help the flit of my focus between the two brothers.

And in a split second that doesn’t go unnoticed by either Jazz or Konstantin, Kiril and I meet somewhere in the middle.

“No way,” Konstantin blinks, and Jazz goes that little bit further, snatching both my hands and nudging me sideways, putting her legs between Kiril and I.

No way,” she reiterates, but Kiril is unfazed.

“Do not project your foolishness on me,” he derides, a dark, jaded sound that hits me far more solidly than it should. “At least in my own pursuits I have the good sense to keep clear of Konrad’s zone of absolute destruction.”

“This wasn’t planned!” Konstantin charges, rocking to his feet, and Kiril is standing beside him that same instant, an intimidating obstacle between Jazz and I, and his brother.

“It does not matter how or why,” Kiril grates through his teeth, so low I physically feel his words. “As your reckless lady friend said, it is what it is, and what it is is a mess no amount of running will mediate.”

“You are the mess mediating expert,” Konstantin snaps back, and I’m finally at my limit, leaping to my feet and placing a hand against both their arms. Tingles spread up through my fingertips, but my annoyance overwhelms it.

“Enough!” I bark, taut and pointed. “This stupid circular bickering is getting us nowhere.”

Silence fills the space vacated by my patience.

“You want him to go back, Kiril – he needs to or Konrad will send Narumi and others after him,” I go on quickly, before I lose my steam. “Jazz won’t leave him, but going back for her is suicide – so what now?”

Licking his lips and looking slightly destabilised, Kiril takes my wrist and slowly lowers it away from his body.

“Konstantin needs to return post haste,” he says, evenness returning to his demeanour. “For now, until Konrad is appeased, he comes back with me, and Miss Mann here can take refuge at one of my estates on the outskirts of London.”

“Hide?” Jazz exhales.

“Bide your time,” Kiril corrects. “If there is any suspicion – and to be frank I would not put it beyond Arno or any of his people to attempt garnering Konrad’s favour by divulging what they discovered here – then there must be distance between you that leaves none.”

“And then what?” Konstantin huffs, sliding around his brother to sit on the arm of Jazz’s chair.

“Then I cure cancer, end war and solve world hunger,” Kiril sneers. “You be a good boy and play Konrad’s foot-stool until it is safer, but make no mistake – her life will always be in jeopardy if you continue this… relationship.”

“Could you say it with any more distain?” Jazz glowers, and Kiril’s self-confident grin only grows.

“You hooked up with the nice brother,” he leers, and I’ve had enough of the snarkiness.

“Will you come back?” I ask Jazz, but of course I’m caught between wanting her back in my life, and keeping her safe.

Biting her lip, I can see she too is in the grips of indecision, and it’s not one she wants to make without Konstantin’s input.

“I hate you, you know that?” Konstantin drops acerbically, the comment definitely meant for Kiril.

“Because I am right?” Kiril sniffs.

“Because you’re only ever right at the most infuriating of times!” Konstantin spits back, and Jazz takes this as the signal to move.

There is absolutely no way I’m letting her out of my sight, so I follow without so much as a glance back at Kiril, though the brothers remain glaring at one another.

Jazz and Konstantin had been travelling light, so there wasn’t much for them to pack up before they were ready to go. Miho, on the other hand, had far more luggage.

Though there was still so much to say, a weighty silence – a storm cloud on the very brink of breaking – followed their progress all the way to the airport where they boarded Kiril’s jet. They had encountered no problems – nothing from Arno and nothing from Konrad, and arrived back in the U.K to nothing but a limousine with heavily tinted windows. And still the thick tension persisted, all the way through the city, glancing over their shoulders, until it all gave way to much greener scenery.

But the rolling hills the farthest thing from Miho’s mind. She took very little in about the grandeur of Kiril’s sprawling estate, focused instead on trying to put all her questions and statements about everything that had happened since Jazz’s disappearance in some sort of order.

In a bedroom fit for a queen, the two men left Miho and Jazz sitting on either side of the bed. Both of them look down at where their hands were folded in their laps until Miho lifted one to rub fingers against the slowly increase throb of her temple.

“When did you know?” she asked quietly. “About the vampires?”

“Not right away,” Jazz answered, staring across the room at the balcony doors. “But, before…”

“Before what?” Miho pushed, rocking to her feet and turning around, though that only aggravated the ache in her skull. “I mean, I knew he’d been at the club, that you’d seen him outside a couple of times, but we used to share everything… I’d have thought the existence of supernatural creatures would count as pretty important to tell your best friend.”

“I think you’re well enough informed now to know why I couldn’t say anything,” Jazz frowned, tipping her chin toward the door in a gesture meant to indicate somewhere in the great manse, Kiril and his brother were no doubt having their candid own discussion. “I wanted to protect you.”

A noise something akin to a snort punctuated Miho’s incredulity.

“Did you expect me to accept you’d dropped off the face of the Earth and just get on with my life?” she questioned rhetorically, kneading the back of her neck. “Because that’s the only explanation I can think of that might have led you to think I wouldn’t do everything in my power to find you, and in doing so, put my nose in vampire business anyway.”

There was little for Jazz to do but cringe, because Miho was right.

“It was a difficult choice to make,” Jazz began awkwardly.

“You chose him, Jazz!” Miho exclaimed, the thundering in her skull doing little to aid in the containment of her sense of betrayal. “And I would never stop you from seeing someone you loved, but you actually chose to be with him, to keep his secrets, to become one of them, rather than stay with someone you’ve known practically your whole life! You just, threw me away.”

Cringing for the twisted expression on Miho’s face, Jazz finally tried to approach, but the wild slashing motion of Miho’s arm warned her not to get too close.

“I’m sorry,” Jazz sighed, and she’d lost count of how many times she had said it. “I fell in love with him and he with me, and when he confided his secret…”

“You couldn’t have told him there is nothing we don’t share?” Miho snapped, her eyes losing focus. “You couldn’t have told him we’re practically sisters and nothing can… nothing should have come between us?”

“Miho, be reasonable…” Jazz tried again, but she had seen Miho lose her cool enough times to know a temper like that was beyond reason and logic.

“You’re a fucking vampire!” Miho shouted, her whole face scrunching up as she backed away, the animated nature of her expressive hand movements causing her to wobble. “There’s no coming back from that, and what’s worse, if Konrad finds out his favourite son has gone and given his heart to a turned, you’re dead, dead!”

Breathing heavily against the boiling emotions in her chest, Miho leaned against the sideboard. Oh she was angry, no two ways about that, but now her fingertips felt as if they were burning away from the bone and her skull was cracking from some inexplicable pressure that distorted her vision.

Obviously, Miho was very angry, but it became clear when she blinked away large tears rolling red ribbons down her cheeks, that something else was very very wrong.

“Miho!” Jazz gasped, dashing forward in time to catch Miho before she hit the floor.

“Everything’s on fire!” Miho panted through teeth tightly clenched, and Jazz wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but blood was now dripping from Miho’s chin, and within Jazz a dangerous hunger called.

“Konstantin!” Jazz shrieked in panic, laying Miho gently against the carpet and moving swiftly to throw open the bedroom door. “Kiril! Help!”

She didn’t know where either of them were in the spacious mansion, they could have been in another wing entirely, but as Jazz took a necessary step onto the landing – away from the scent of blood that taunted her – two blurs flashed toward her at great speed.

“Jazz? Are you o…” Konstantin began, but his sentence broke off when he too was reached by the sweet smell of Miho’s distress.

“Take her down stairs, now,” Kiril barked sharply, and with eyes flashing an uncompromising warning, he spared neither a second more before disappearing into the bedroom. “Miho,” he hissed, pulling her gently into his lap.

And instantly the razorblades that had been digging through his veins were somehow dulled.

The beast within him paced irritably as Kiril weathered the tantalising spectacle of Miho’s blood-smeared face, but he hoisted her into his arms and carried her whimpering to the bed.

“What is this?” he whispered coldly, not to her but to himself, as he gently wiped her face clean with a hastily acquired pillowcase, before tossing is as far across the large room as he could. “Miho?” he breathed again, and finally she seemed to rouse from her agonised state enough to focus on his face.

And her mind was clear, her skin prickling pleasantly in the wake of each soft pass his fingers made down her cheek.

“That was…” she croaked thickly, reaching out to take his other hand and draw it down between her breasts, pressing his cool palm over the rapid pulsing of her heart. “I thought I was going to die.”

“What happened?” he soothed, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears.

“Nagging headache just, got worse and worse,” she murmured, savouring the sensation of his fingers sliding through her hair and the pressure of his hand that ensured they were connected. “Then it just, erupted… but…”

The last few tears fell, but this time they were clear.

“The moment I touched you,” Kiril continued, his brows knitting, “the more I touch you, the pain subsides.”

“You too?” she exhaled, examining his face as it drew closer.

Less than a minute ago it had felt as if she was being torn apart; but now she wanted to taste Kiril’s tongue, ravenously claw away his clothing and bury him so deeply within her the memory of that pain would be erased completely.

“Just relax,” he instructed, lips brushing lightly against hers with the promise of more, but to her disappointment he then sat up. “There is something I do not like about this.”

“Bleeding from the eyes was sort of traumatic for me too,” Miho piped up, shifting his hand over to her right breast. “But…”

Her pause was filled with puzzlement.

“… all I want now is to feel you,” she finished finally, frowning. “Kiril…”

“I know,” he admitted, but it was through gritted teeth.

He was fighting himself, Miho could see his struggle.

“Why am I not freaking out?” she exhaled, clutching his hand more firmly. “I should… see a doctor.”

“Liana will examine you,” he asserted, rocking back and standing, but Miho dug in her fingernails.

“Don’t leave!” she gasped quickly, a reflex, and Kiril’s gaze narrowed on her grip.

“I will return momentarily,” he told her, strain tightening his voice. “But until Liana has examined you, your friend will have to stay away. She is still young, and if you bleed again she may not be able to control her primal urges.”

“But not you,” she stated, rather than questioned, not removing her grip.

“No, not me,” he smiled with a gentleness Miho had not yet seen from him, and she allowed her hold to fall away.

True to his word, just minutes later Kiril returned, a woman a step behind him.

Though she again found relief in Kiril’s presence, this did not detract from the sharp, clear blue of the other woman’s eyes, and her instantaneous study of her new patient. And there was something old-world about her – from the modest ankle length of her skirt, to the well-loved leather doctor’s bag she carried to the bedside and opened.

“You may leave now, Master Kiril,” Liana said softly, placing a stethoscope around her neck.

“I shall stay,” Kiril responded, much to Miho’s relief, but Liana turned to frown at him – and when she spoke it was much more crisply.

“Master Kiril,” she began, firmly, the tone of an uncompromising woman. “I should like to begin my examination of your lady friend, however, I shall not do so without the requisite privacy necessary to uphold her dignity and confidentiality.”

Miho blinked; people generally did not speak to Kiril in such a manner. She expected a storm to break in the room – gale force winds and lashing rain, but Kiril simply looked annoyed.

“She is…” he began, but Liana cut him off abruptly.

“In capable hands,” she finished for him. “I shall call for the young master if I require assistance.”

This made Kiril ruffle, but Miho lifted her head a little.

“I’ll be okay,” she forced out, though she honestly didn’t want him to go.

Wordlessly he ground his teeth for a few seconds, while Liana simply peered at him expectantly.

“Fine,” he huffed, then stalked out, closing the two women into the room alone.

If she was pleased, or felt any form of satisfaction over her victory, Liana’s expression showed none of it. There was an intensity of focus about her, a stare that told Miho she missed very little, and practiced hands that spoke of experience.

There was little talk between them, save for questions and answers, and when Liana had determined Miho’s basic physiological details were normal, she requested more comprehensive tests to be performed… in the basement.

“So,” Miho quipped, much of her strength returned as she walked beside Liana out of the elevator into the incongruously sleek and sterile décor of the basement. “Kiril really is Batman.”

“He has considerable wealth, if that is what you mean,” Liana nodded, guiding Miho past various rooms before urging her to enter another.

“He doesn’t have a mask wearing fetish?” Miho quipped, settling into the indicated chair before a piece of medical equipment.

“Not to my knowledge,” Liana replied, taking her time to calibrate the machine. “However, what Master Kiril does outside the estate is his own business.”

There were still so many unanswered questions – like who this woman really was, and what her relationship to Kiril was, but Miho didn’t want to just blurt them out. She felt suddenly, acutely aware of his age, and what that meant for his relationship history – not that she was all that clear on his relationship at present either.

“Just relax, and look straight ahead,” Liana instructed with a small smile, indicating the chin rest, and Miho complied.

What followed was a gamut of tests, at the conclusion of which, Liana showed Miho back to her room wherein Kiril arrived shortly.

“Well?” he prompted impatiently, but Liana seemed completely unfazed by him.

“She has no evidence clinical conjunctival hyperemia, periorbital or palpebral edema, and maintains normal vision and extraocular movement,” Liana explained. “The young master is currently examining pathology for some underlying cause of the hyphema, though there are no visible indications of infection.”

Miho caught a handful of the medical jargon, and surmised what Kiril then vocalised.

“So you have no idea what happened,” he dropped, clearly displeased.

But the hand he had on Miho’s shoulder was light, warm.

“As yet, no,” Liana responded, and appeared a more than a little irritated by the fact.

Konstantin had been the one to contact Konrad: Kiril’s idea. Since he and his father didn’t get along – to put it politely – and to increase the chances of distracting the king from his rage – however unlikely.

Eyes followed the pair as they made their way silently through the lobby of Konrad’s primary place of business, but no one questioned them. Kiril strode with his typical air of self-confidence despite the derisive daggers shot his way.

Oh, if only they knew.

Better that they didn’t.

“When was the last time you were here?” Konstantin asked as they reached the elevator.

He was not so practiced at hiding his discomfort.

“A year or so,” Kiril shrugged. “Daddy dearest is not especially welcoming.”

“Like you ever tried to make peace with the guy,” Konstantin snorted, stepping into the gilded cabin of the lift.

Very conservative.

“What, drawn, and talk of peace?” Kiril smirked.

“Yeah, yeah, you hate the word, and he started it,” Konstantin huffed. “But you can’t tell me you’ve done anything to try and appease him.”

“No, I cannot,” Kiril agreed with mirth, not the slightest bit repentant. “That is what happens when you kill a man’s mother.”

“That’s your excuse?” Konstantin snorted. “Really? Because yours is not the only mother he’s killed.”

“So I should not hold him accountable because he has a full complement of victims on his ledger?” Kiril retorted.

“And I suppose your hands are clean?” Konstantin challenged. “Perfectly clear conscience?”

“Do not be absurd,” Kiril sniffed. “But by comparison…”

“Bad is bad, Brother,” Konstantin argued, looking up as the elevator chimed.

“I will keep that in mind as I’m bailing you out of the grave you have dug yourself into,” Kiril smirked, and was first to saunter out into the plush antechamber.

“Hmm, new carpet,” Kiril noted flippantly, causing several chatting in the large room to stop and stare.

As if it was his house, a crown upon his brow, Kiril strode unaffected by the attention he had drawn; in fact, Konstantin noted he seemed pleased and entirely unsurprised.

The way he pushed through the double doors was anything but subtle. Indeed, he announced his arrival like a performer: exaggerated, confident movements, boldness, and an aura that drew and held gazes.

“Father!” he exclaimed in an overly affable tone, clearly intending to mock the poor relationship they shared.

Konrad did not turn from the conversation in which he was engaged, though two other bodies in the room inched away from the king.

Not only unaccustomed to being ignored, but already looking to stoke the fire of opposition, Kiril filled the hall with his presence. As much as Kiril clashed with his father, this magnetism was what had allowed him to build his own empire despite the king’s enmity, and Konstantin had to admire that.

When there was no reaction after a few more seconds, Kiril’s upper lip began to curl, and Konstantin saw all the theatricality recede.

“You have ten seconds to acknowledge my presence, or your favourite and I return to our fun and games,” Kiril growled.

Challenge accepted.

It was the sudden slamming of the doors they had entered through that drew Kiril and Konstantin’s focus, and there they found Narumi with arms crossed over her chest.

“I am listening,” Konrad stated, his voice reverberating most unnaturally. “But not for long. You have already kept me waiting.”

“Drop the drama, Konrad,” Kiril dismissed, hands deep in his trouser pockets and looking completely relaxed. “We are here of our own volition at your most insistent behest.”

“And yet it was not you I called for,” Konrad dropped, only now turning to rest his unsettling scrutiny upon his children.

Kiril, however, he looked right through.

“Explain,” he added, cold and commanding.

“I sent Konstantin to address sensitive interests in Europe I could trust to no one else,” Kiril answered, and that more directly drew Konrad’s ire.

“And who are you to send my son, anywhere?” Konrad glowered, Kiril’s demise swirling in his eyes, his disdain carving his mouth in jagged lines.

“You would not question the contributions my business assets make to this kingdom,” Kiril replied calmly. “Because you would notice a significant decline in both revenue and influence were I to transfer my operations to say… Australia?”

“Do not over-estimate your worth,: Konrad retorted, approaching his elder son with a predatory gait.

“Oh, I know exactly what I’m worth,” Kiril chuckled, and the two vampires who had skirted to the edge of the room began their way toward Narumi, perhaps for protection from the oncoming affray. “But I stopped measuring myself by your skewed standards many years ago. After all, when you’re that small…”

Knowing he was playing with fire and brimstone, Kiril made a ‘tiny’ gesture with his thumb and index finger.

While the eyes of the three who were not important enough yet to be given names froze in absolute shock, Konrad began forward. It was Narumi, however, who took firm hold of Kiril’s chin and forced him to look at her.

“You owe your king the truth,” she hissed into his face, eyes boring into his, and he knew her power would catch him in a lie if he attempted to tell one. “So I suggest – for once in your life – you do not lie.”

“Konstantin was working for me,” Kiril told Narumi confidently, and instantly her nose wrinkled.

“As much as it surprises me, my Lord, Kiril is telling the truth.”

With his full focus on Kiril, Konrad didn’t notice the most unsubtle double-take Konstantin performed.

“It is truly touching how much you trust your children,” Kiril sniffed. “Now, if there is not anything else, there are a great many other things I would like to be doing.”

“Konstantin, remain,” his father ordered, and Kiril made no quarrel.

IF he dropped himself in it now, both he and Jazz deserved to be hunted as far as Kiril was concerned.

Following his retreat, Narumi waited with Kiril for the elevator and stepped in beside him.

“And what did that little ruse just cost me?” Kiril drawled, working the ache of his jaw and touching the throbbing pain of one temple.

“The truth would be nice, but I know it’s unlikely you’ll give me that,” she shrugged nonchalantly. “So, for now I’ll keep that one banked. Need I tell you whatever game you’re playing is a most dangerous one?”

“No,” Kiril grimace, and this certainly did not escape Narumi’s notice.

“What is wrong with you? You’re paler than usual.”

“It was a long trip and I am famished,” he answered flippantly, but his tone was tainted by discomfort.

“Have you been feeding from junkies again?” she snorted in amusement, knowing full well his response was a falsehood.

“Best you mind your own business, Narumi,” Kiril warned. “You want none of mine, and if the king learns of your complicity in my deception there will be little left of you but dust in the wind.”

“I knew what I was doing, cousin,” she smiled. “And I know – whether you tell me or not – I will uncover what you’re hiding.”

As swiftly as inhumanly possible, Kiril returned to the estate. Blinding pain seared his consciousness, and so he feared Miho was in an even worse state.

He was directed to Liana’s infirmary by an anxious Jazz, but he left her alone upstairs to ponder Konstantin’s failure to return.

“I was forced to sedate her,” Liana reported, when Kiril showed alarm at Miho’s unresponsiveness. “She was thrashing about quite vigorously, in addition to the symptoms you described earlier.”

Sliding his palm up Miho’s arm, Kiril’s own anguish abated swiftly, and when he touched his lips to the warm of hers, a buzzing joy flooded his veins.

“This is most unnatural,” he exhaled in relief.

“I have been able to determine no medical explanation for Miss Fujiwara’s condition,” Liana admitted. “And could certainly not yet venture the correlation with your own afflictions, save – it seems – that it intensifies the longer you are parted.”

“Unacceptable,” Kiril snapped, but he was gentle in the brushing of Miho’s forehead.

“It is all very well and good you saying that,” Liana grumbled. “But at this stage I must consider the cause to be rooted elsewhere.”

“Such as?” Kiril prompted expectantly.

“Witchcraft, obviously,” came a rather impertinent voice from the doorway. “Clearly, both you and your visitor have been hexed.”

Carrying a tome almost as large as his entire body, the lean child moved effortlessly toward Liana.

“I’ve been reading,” he announced.

“That is all you ever do, Kai,” Kiril pointed out, but he was clearly listening.

“And a good thing too, since you do so little,” Kai snorted, though he sobered and straightened his shoulders when Liana looked displeased.

“Did you know,” Kai began again, “that the Cerchio di veli coven in Florence during the Renaissance were well reputed for their love spells?”

“Are you truly suggesting I am subject to a love spell?” Kiril scoffed.

“Wealthy families paid fortunes for political gains founded in love spells that caused infidelity and broke politically motivated marriages,” Kai elaborated, much to Kiril’s disdain.

“Have you upset any witches lately?” Liana queried. “Aside from me, that is.

“No more so than usual, and even if I had, they would certainly not be alive enough at present to curse anyone,” he asserted.

“Unless,” Kai piped up, “she is the primary target of the manipulation?”

Appreciatively, Liana nodded, and Kai smiled broadly.

That Kiril did not immediately shut down this concept, told Liana Kai’s postulation had some merit.

“So, who exactly is your little friend?” Liana asked, since Kiril was not forthcoming with the details.

“A hunter, I suspect,” he replied, and both Liana’s and Kai’s eyes bugged. “You have plenty of blood to test so I want it confirmed,” he added waspishly. “I need to be sure.”

“So, you’ve been out and about cavorting with a hunter?” Liana questioned, though it was obviously rhetorical.

“Unawakened, but yes,” Kiril confirmed, his top row of teeth scraping over the lower.

“Are you insane?” Liana hissed, leaning over Miho toward him.

“No, hexed apparently,” he retorted, glaring icily, and Liana moved back. “Return to the library, Kai,” he then commanded. “I want to know which spell and who I need to kill to break it.”

“And you’re going to be doing what meanwhile?”

For a second Kiril pursed his lips, his fingers paused mid-way through stroking Miho’s hair.

“I have a child to teach the ways of our world and a couple of nightclub owners to manage.”

“You’re going to leave here with her? With both of them?” Liana blinked. “If you are indeed connected by magic, it may very well be ill advised to kill her before the spell is broken, but to allow her out in public? Have you lost your senses?”

“Watch your tone, Liana; you know who you are talking to,” Kiril snarled.

“And it’s because I know, I think this is a terrible mistake,” she tried to reason. “Were the king to learn of this…”

“He shall not, unless some poor creature no longer wishing to live should tell him.”

Both fact and a warning Liana heard loud and clear.

I rouse to a melancholic piano melody drifting purposefully through the mansion. Though I picture the simple press of keys, the sound each makes is far more than that; there is a ubiquitous pain woven into the undulating tempo, a graceful, sorrowful longing in every hanging pause and a hand offered in my direction.

Wrapping myself in the satin robe hanging at the end of the bed, I pad out of the bedroom I don’t remember returning to, coaxed by the music’s sweet desperation, completely under its spell. And half way to the lower floor, I find myself unable to move – peering down into the lounge I discover the source of that beautiful distress.

Transfixed, unblinking, I watch Kiril’s fingers glide across the concert grand, the monstrous instrument of dark, varnished wood tamed by the skilful touch of his cold fingertips; and I wonder if it’s possible to be jealous of an inanimate object. Yet it seems so alive, the silver strike of each hidden string taking flight and fluttering upward to where I stand – and I can almost see those hazy wisps of sound shuddering toward me: fragile, hopeful, fervent but somehow laces with fine threads of irritation.

When the final reverberation gives way to silence, I inhale a sob and finally release the tears that have been swimming across my vision.

Clear at least this time.

Kiril looks up at me, his expression unreadable, his thoughts so shielded compared to the open emotion of his unguarded tune.

“You’re such a trope,” I declare, my voice still thick with a clinging sadness. “Sullen vampire playing broody music on his piano in the dead of night.”

“The pipe organ was taking up too much space,” he replies, and it might have been humourous had his tone not emerged so darkly from between those perfect lips I have kissed fervently and want to partake of again. “And it’s a little past noon.”

Impassively, he turns a couple of sheet music pages and begins again to play, ignoring my approach.

What am I supposed to make of that?

Have I irritated him by interrupting, offended him with my remark, or is there someone worse still than the wracking pain connecting our separation?

Persisting despite the ache in my chest, I complete my descent and tread slowly across the space until I am directly behind him. The swaying rhythm of his new malady causes me to frown; he is right there within arm’s reach and yet he somehow feels very far away. To reassure myself, I lightly place a hand against his shoulder, but immediately recoil when the piano shouts a single, dramatic discord and Kiril becomes still.

“What?” I scowl, with equal parts indignation and upset, and Kiril turns his whole body, suddenly trapping my legs between his, possessively drawing me close again with one arm around my waist.

I’m looking down at him, but the power is all his; not something I’m used to nor entirely comfortable with.

“Spit it out,” I huff, even as his hand floats downward over the curve of my backside.

“I am angry,” he answers finally, and as much is evident in the arctic sharpness of his eyes.

“I can see that,” I retort, trying to maintain my train of thought as he begins to gather up the back of my robe.  “It’s not like we both don’t have plenty of reasons to be pissed off at the world right now, so what particular frustration has got your goat right now?”

“I want you beyond all reason,” he snarled, but hidden beneath it was a despairing purr. “I want to consume you entirely, but then you would be gone and that I simply cannot allow.”

This confession is so incredibly frightening, but at the same time the most mind-blowing statement I have ever heard – of this I am sure.

Expressing this is nigh impossible, however; emotions refuse to be converted into words. All I can do in response is climb into his lap, lock my fingers at the nape of his neck and drink that sweet affection from his lips. Fervently, he searches for the places about my body of greatest warmth, until he’s straining against my inner thigh.

“Wait,” he utters, incongruent with the insistent press of his fingertips. “Wait.”

“For what?” I rasp. “A written invitation?”

“This,” he begins again, swallowing his desire in a massive gulp, “this isn’t real.”

“You’re going to let witches tell you what is and isn’t real?” I challenge.

We’d spoken in the infirmary about the theory of a curse or spell binding us by lust, and at first I was outraged and sickened and frustrated. To be manipulated in that way, to be robbed of emotional freedom made me feel trapped, suffocated.

As Kiril kissed me good night, however, and left me alone I couldn’t reconcile what I knew of my desire’s falseness with how powerful and real it felt.

How it feels.

“I will let the facts do so,” Kiril clarifies, and the icy edge causes me to recoil, rock back and pull free easily because Kiril allows me to.

“Oh well, in that case I’ll just be on my way and waste your time no longer,” I bite back, the lashing of a wounded and confused animal.

“You are overreacting,” he says from his seat. “You know very well you and I cannot be apart at present.”

“Enjoy your headache, Kiril,” I spit, failing to resist the burning hurt of a knife twisting between my ribs.

“Are you a woman or a toddler throwing a tantrum?” he hisses, in front of me before I can dodge.

“I’m a woman taken for a fool!” I shout into his face. “Caught up by your unnatural charm and swagger – maybe drawn by magic if you want to blame it – but preyed upon and lured nonetheless until I gave myself to you!”

“And I am the only one who has ever had the pleasure I suppose?” Kiril volleys.

I don’t know if he’s just caught off guard, or if my rage has given me supernatural speed, but my palm snaps loudly across his face.

“Miho?” Jazz calls from above, but all my focus belongs to Kiril for another barb before I stomp upstairs.

“I hope you have a good memory, Kiril,” I snarl. “Because hex or otherwise, screaming fits of bloody murder, it’s a pleasure you’ll not have again.”

MJS – 6 Feet: Part 2

Both Ishigami and Kaga were more than excited to see the figure on the other side of the door, leaping at him with reckless abandon, but Miho slumped against the door frame. Jazz appeared behind her, biting her lip as Subaru fought the puppies off to wrap Miho in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair, shoving the foil covered casserole he had in one hand at Jazz.

This time, Miho didn’t cry, even if Subaru did.

“It doesn’t have coriander in it, does it?”

“You love coriander!” he attempted to joke, but the look on Jazz’s face told him he’d made a terrible blunder.

“No,” Miho disagreed quietly. “That’s Seiji.”

“Oh,” Subaru dropped, cringing a second but he had a smile affixed when he finally brought Miho to arm’s length.

“It’s fine,” she smiled back. “Everyone’s in a bit of a tizzy at the moment.”

“Except you,” he noted a little quizzically. “The very picture of calm and collected.”

“How many times has he nearly died?” she asked, turning and heading into the living area with the pups on her heels. “Every other week, really, right?”

Glancing sideways at Jazz, Subaru followed, shrugging awkwardly. It was clear to Jazz that Subaru didn’t have the words, not to comfort Miho, or himself. True, Subaru and Goto always bickered, but their actions had proven time and time again they were best friends.

“Tea? Coffee?” Miho chirped, obviously attempting to change Subaru’s grim expression.

“Yeah,” he answered ambiguously, scrutinising the house’s interior as he trailed Miho and Jazz into the kitchen.

“Yeah what?”

“What happened here?” he replied, only looking more confused. “This place is spotless.”

Another blunder for anyone who knew Goto was a bit on the untidy side.

“Are you suggesting my home is usually a mess?” Miho sniffed.

“Well, no,” he stumbled. “But there’s clean, and then there’s I could eat off the tiles clean.”

“We’ve been keeping busy,” Jazz clarified.

“Because work isn’t enough to keep us occupied apparently,” Miho dropped sarcastically.

“Should you even be wandering around?” he then asked of Jazz, who while obviously pregnant did not seem to be in any discomfort.

“Being pregnant isn’t a disability, you know,” she grunted, then dropped her voice. “Unlike being an idiot.”

“I heard that,” Subaru grated sourly, but his brows lifted when Miho let out a chuckle.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think this comedy routine was for me.”

Both her friends fell silent.

“Oh, cut it out will you?” she huffed, throwing up her hands in annoyance. “Come on, Subaru, you’ve known Seiji far longer than me, so you should know this is bullshit.”

“Um…” he squirmed. “I’ve seen the evidence, Miho, the forensics…”

“Yeah?” she snorted. “You know who saw the evidence for Daisetsu’s ‘death’? The forensics? I did, and we all know how that ended.”

Knowingly, and not very discreetly, Jazz rolled her eyes to Subaru.

“Cut that out,” Miho snapped. “He’s not dead, and that’s all there is to it.”

She left them both standing in the kitchen a little bewildered by her curtness, but Jazz eventually let out a heavy sigh.

“I tried to talk to her about funeral arrangements, but she just shuts me down,” she explained solemnly. “I get where she is coming from, what with Daisetsu’s faked death, but if Captain Ishigami and the whole of Public Safety is sure, then…”

Helplessly, she shrugged.

“She doesn’t want me to comfort her,” she exhaled, her eyes misting over a little, and Subaru drew closer. “I don’t know how to comfort her, and I’ve always known.”

“We just be here,” he said, offering his arms and an awkward but honest hug. “So, when she figures out what she needs, we can be there to give it.”

 

People came and went, but it was the arrival of Goto’s parents and brother that complicated the situation more. Under any other circumstance, the presence of family might have brought some solace, but Miho was… as Miho was – forward about her opinion.

“I’m not interested in burying an empty casket,” she declared stubbornly.

Haruka looked tearily helpless.

Shinichi scowled.

Issei became angry.

“I thought you loved him!” he barked, and Miho’s face darkened in response.

“I love him, present tense,” she snapped. “And it’s because I love him, know him, trust him, that I can’t and won’t believe he’d be stupid enough to get killed.”

“But Miho,” Shinichi beseeched, and in an unusual sign of physical affection he attempted to hug her.

Miho dodged.

“No, Dad,” she argued.

“You’ve always known his work was dangerous,” Shinichi continued, his tone settling back into something gruffer. “As much as we might want this not to be true, there are things beyond our control, beyond Seiji’s control.”

“You go,” Miho told them, nodding emphatically. “I understand. If you believe this, then you need to find closure, but I will not put another box in the ground.”

The door slammed, Kaga and Ishigami lucky to scoot through with tails intact.

In the bedroom, Miho paced back and forth until her eyes came to rest on the pinstripe suit laid out across the grey duvet.

Haruka had picked it out. Even though there wasn’t a body as such to put in it, she’d felt it symbolic of his professionalism, of his nature, and an important part of letting him go. Kaga and Ishigami, however, thought the suit made perfect bedding, and curled up together to watch their mother scowl.

“What the hell, Miho?” Issei charged, bursting into the room. “Where do you get off talking to Mum like that?”

His eyes were red – he had been crying, but now he was just angry.

“You think you’re hurting? What about us?” he snapped, spittle peppering the air between them.

“He’s not dead, Issei!” Miho shouted, right into his face, then pointed at Goto’s suit. “It’s empty, you see that? EMPTY.”

“Because what’s left of him is locked up in a mortuary!” Issei fired back, not backing down – but that only drew him into striking range.

Redder still, Issei looked absolutely shocked with Miho’s palm print emblazoned across his left cheek.

“Your brother would be heartbroken you’ve so little faith in him,” she hissed, her eyes wild and her tone low, seething. “Go pick a casket, choose music and scripture and flowers to lay at a hollow grave, but do not think for a moment I will partake in such a farce.”

She moved so quickly her puppies didn’t have a chance to catch up. Bursting from the bedroom, she stalked to the front door past a bewildered Shinichi and Haruka and snatched her jacket.

 

After stomping several blocks, Miho hailed a taxi, glad she left emergency money secured in the inside pocket of her coat. It was enough to get her to Station, where Agasa raised an eyebrow at her in recognition. The death of a police officer, regardless of what department they belonged to, did not remain a secret for very long, and though Agasa might have seen Goto and Miho only a handful of times – if that – Second Unit had raised more than a few glasses in honour of a fallen comrade and a good man.

“Mrs. Goto,” he greeted softly, as Miho sat herself down on a stool at the bar. “What can I get you?”

“Enough whiskey to make it all go away,” she replied, not questioning how he knew her, just tapping the bar with her fingertips expectantly.

Agasa knew well enough when to argue with a customer and when to let them drink. At least if she was there, he could keep an eye on her, call in backup if things got a bit too ugly. He placed the bottle down beside her, though it was only a third full, then a glass.

“Don’t go too overboard,” he warned her softly, and in response she grunted and poured for herself.

As she drank, she muttered, but she was not looking for a response from Agasa or those who came and went.

“Shouldn’t have done that,” she murmured, shaking her head.

Hitting Issei like that – she knew she’d done a bad thing and would have to apologise.

“How can I convince them?” she sighed, staring into her glass but quickly turning her head when she sensed a presence close behind her.

“Convince who of what, Princess?” Baba enquired in his usual happy tone.

“You know what,” she replied dryly, taking another sip as he sat down beside her. “You know everything.”

“It is true I know a lot of things,” he smiled, waving to Agasa before pointing at Miho’s glass. “Not quite everything, though.”

Working with Baba at the agency had proven both a blessing and a curse at times. He had this infuriating way of being jovial no matter what happened, this ability to see the upside in even the darkest of situations. It could be both uplifting and excruciating at the same time. There was also the fact that he had made himself available on and off through Miho’s single years as a physical comfort: the best kind of friend with benefits.

“What are you doing here?” she asked him, still not looking into his face.

She wasn’t sure she could stand to see the sparkle in his eyes or the playfulness on his lips.

“You know this is a police bar, right?” she added.

Baba shrugged.

“I don’t know why I should be concerned,” he smirked. “I’m a law-abiding citizen; besides, I don’t think Detective Ayase meets the height requirement to get in.”

Miho might have snorted, but the air in her lungs was lethargic, morose.

“Come on, Princess,” he crooned, giving her arm a gentle nudge with his, as Agasa put a tumbler down in front of him. “I tracked you down because I thought you’d have given me a call by now.”

“I’ve been a little preoccupied,” she pointed out, emptying her glass and pouring herself another, then one for Baba.

“Yes, yes, funerals – so many little details to plan for,” he agreed, one hand moving in an animated way as he spoke. “Eulogies and floral arrangements and boxes for burial.”

Now, Miho looked at him, her eyes narrowed. But she said nothing, studying him, searching him. What he said was not meant to hurt her; no, he was teasing her because…

“Tell me,” she demanded in a cold hiss, turning her body to his. “Tell me I’m right.”

“Right about?” he poked, obviously enjoying the little game, pushing her because he indeed knew her well enough he knew her limits.

“I will fucking deck you, Mitsunari,” she growled, leaning forward and baring her teeth. “Tell me I am right. He isn’t dead.”

“Hot damn, you’re sexy when you get angry,” he grinned. “You really ought to wear more leather.”

Limit.

He probably could have dodged, but he didn’t, so when Miho grabbed him by the tie and dragged him off his barstool, he slid off easily.

“Riding crop, too,” Baba added, allowing himself to be dragged to a booth and shoved into it.

“Cut the shit,” she hissed, dropping in opposite him. “Playtime is over.”

“A little birdy told me something fascinating,” he admitted finally, triumphant. “Did you know that DNA identification of burnt bone can be pretty reliable?”

Eyes sharp, Miho brain raced ahead to find Baba’s point before he voiced it.

“In extremely bad cases though, if someone was to use, say, white phosphorus or thermite, for example, bones don’t leave much at all – no nuclear DNA – and even mitochondrial profiles are sporadic in their reliability at best.”

“The gang he infiltrated had access to thermite and white phosphorus?” Miho blinked.

Of course, she knew Public Safety worked dangerous cases chasing really dangerous people, but for criminals to have and use dangerous chemicals like those put a whole new perspective on it.

“Maybe,” Baba mused noncommittally, “but I think the point is more that it’s highly unlikely any remains burned to that extent could be positively identified.”

Miho licked her lips.

She knew better than to ask about Baba’s sources, and knew through experience – even if she didn’t know how – that his information was always accurate.

“Captain Ishigami wouldn’t, he wouldn’t tell me it’s him if he wasn’t sure,” she exhaled to herself. “He wouldn’t accept the death of a subordinate if there was any doubt.”

“You know the guy that well?” Baba posed. “I mean, these Public Safety guys lie for a living, right?”

“To me? About that?” Miho wondered, her throat dry.

Trembling hands took her mobile phone from her pocket.

“That I don’t know the answer to,” he admitted, leaning a little closer to see what Miho was texting. “Going straight to the top, huh?”

“No, Namba’s out of town,” Miho murmured, as she fired off her text message to Liana, “but Captain Ishigami will do.”

“I wouldn’t want to be him,” Baba smirked swirling the drink he hadn’t touched yet. “You have a plan?”

“Yeah,” Miho rumbled, slipping from the barstool and throwing a fist full of money for her drinks on the counter. “I’m going to get really, really angry.”

 

Rationality still existed, Miho felt it tugging her in the opposite direction to her destination, but she ignored it. Her rage was a blaze bringing warmth back to the numbness of her flesh, and she allowed it to fill her to overflowing before she arrived at the restaurant Liana had unwittingly revealed as the location of Miho’s target.

“Miho?” Liana blinked, as Miho stalked between the tables – definitely a woman on a mission.

“Mrs. Goto,” Ishigami added, seeming surprised but quick to rise to his feet. “Are you alright?”

“Out of respect for our friendship and your personal and professional relationship with Seiji,” Miho began, her tone an ice-pick: cold, pointed, “I’m going to give you the opportunity to step out with me and have this conversation.”

Understandably, Ishigami looked surprised, but Liana appeared downright shocked and both their mouths hung open too long for Miho’s liking.

“Very well,” Miho grunted. “Explain the conviction you have Seiji is dead, when the extreme heat you’ve admitted rendered the remains you found to nothing but bones?”

People looked in the direction of the standing pair as they remained facing one another, though the volume of their voices was not especially loud.

“I’m no scientist, Captain,” Miho went on to fill the void once more, “or a weapon’s expert, but to reach the kind of temperatures needed to reduce human bone to the condition you found them in, in an open space like that warehouse, you’d need some seriously restricted firepower.”

“Where did you get this idea from?” Ishigami asked finally, his expression a good approximation of concerned.

“You mean, how do I know you grossly overstated the certainty of my husband’s death?” she snapped, the crack of a whip that silenced everything else in the restaurant.

“Miho,” Liana whispered, reaching for her hand, but Miho yanked it away.

“Look into his eyes, Liana,” Miho growled, pointing into Ishigami’s face. “Imagine Seiji is telling you your husband is dead, all the while you’re holding evidence it isn’t true in your hand.”

“I know this is very difficult for you,” Ishigami attempted, watching the maitre’d cautiously approach in his peripheral vision. “No one wants Lieut..”

“I am his WIFE!” she roared, and people at nearby tables flinched at the violence of her retort, the rawness of her emotion. “Difficult is an understatement I will not bear when you know he’s alive.”

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you t…” the maitre’d interrupted, but the freeze of his jaw when Miho’s eyes fell upon him made it clear he saw death in them.

“Tell me where he is,” Miho demanded on little more than a breath, an imperative she exhaled into Ishigami’s face. “Give me the truth.”

“I can see, Mrs. Goto, the truth is too much for you at present,” Ishigami said evenly, but Liana saw him adjust his glasses – noted and filed it. “Grief is…”

“I will not mourn the living,” Miho snarled, blind to the much larger man who had come to back the maitre’d.

“Ma’am,” came a firmer, warning voice.

Miho tilted her head in some form of acknowledgement but maintained eye contact with Ishigami.

“I will never forget this pain,” she hissed, gaze like razor-wire. “And I will never forget your part in it.”

Before she could be manhandled out of the restaurant, Miho turned on her heels and strode out, to bystanders a vengeful force of wrathful energy.

 

(GUEST WRITER @BelXsar! Scene RPed)

There was a full moment of silence, then another, and another, before the interior of the restaurant finally started to return to its former activity before the human whirlwind that was Miho Fujisawa Goto had blown in and then just as dramatically swept out.  The restaurant staff resumed their former duties, and the other patrons’ gazes went back to their dining companions, while Liana studied her husband with hers, even as he just as studiously avoided it. They had just been contemplating what to have for dessert when Miho had arrived, but it was clear that any appetite for sweets had vanished just as abruptly.  With a sidelong glance towards the discarded dessert menus lying on the table, Captain Hideki Ishigami emptied his water glass, then signalled their waiter and coolly asked for the cheque. The bill paid, he got up, and his wife followed him out of the restaurant.

His hand reached out for hers on the street outside, and Liana took it, noting his grasp was on the cool side as usual but his grip a bit tighter.  They strode silently, hand in hand, to where their car was parked, and he opened the door for her before sliding into the driver’s seat. As the car pulled into traffic, he still had yet to meet his wife’s gaze which had remained mostly fixed on him all the while.

On the silent drive home, Liana pulled out her phone and tapped a quick text to Jazz Mann Akiwa, hoping their shared friend would update her on what was going on when clearly her husband had no desire to do so.

Ishigami remained silent even as they arrived home.  It was after they entered their flat, taken off their shoes, hung up their coats, and he seemed to be heading towards the bathroom, that Liana finally quickened her stride and cut in front of her husband, putting her hand against the wall to block his path.

Enough was enough.

She had given him the appropriate discretion while they had been in public, despite the maelstrom of questions running through her mind.  Now, in the privacy of their own home, she could remain silent no longer.

“Hideki,” she said quietly, softly, yet no less firmly.  “What is going on?”

Her dark blue eyes sought out his grey ones, intent.

His hand was half-way to his glasses before he actually stopped himself.

“I thought perhaps I would take a shower,” he explained, as if as much was obvious. “I have an early meeting tomorrow and will not have time in the morning.”

If he knew what she was actually getting at – and the man wasn’t a moron, so he knew – there was not a single hint of it in his expression.

Liana tilted her head slightly and gave him a look, one eyebrow raised.  “Please don’t insult me, and I won’t return the favor. You know very well what I mean.”

With practised zen, Ishigami’s expression didn’t so much as twitch; still, when he spoke again, there was at least a little emotion in his tone.

“It is understandable Mrs. Goto would not wish to believe Lieutenant Goto is gone,” he explained, “and regrettable her desire seems to have manifested so strongly. You are right to be concerned; I shall organise for a counsellor to touch base with her tomorrow.”

Liana’s eyebrows drew together a little.  “As passionate as Miho can be, she’s not a woman prone to hysterics.  And I think you appreciate that, Hideki. This is not just a grieving widow deep in denial and going off the deep end.  She said something about extreme heat, and remains being reduced to nothing. Which you didn’t deny. You’re deflecting.  Whatever it is, I think Miho has proven in the past she can handle it, any truth, rather than a bunch of lies. As Lieutenant Goto’s wife, she deserves that much, at least.”

Responding seemed a little difficult for Ishigami – not because he didn’t know what to say, but because saying it to his inquisitive wife would not be easy.

“You know I cannot discuss an ongoing investigation,” he told her gently, his brows lowering just a little bit.

He wasn’t without empathy.

“Doing so could put further lives at risk, and that is the very reason rules and protocols exist.”

“Then she’s not wrong.”

Liana’s words were murmured to herself as much as her reticent husband, said in confirmation more than any triumph.  She looked back up at Ishigami. “You don’t have to tell her any details. But can’t you at least indicate you’re still just trying to confirm the identification of the remains, and that it’s still an ‘ongoing investigation’?  If you tell her to keep things to herself, she will. She understands the importance of discretion, as much for her husband’s safety as the case itself. Just don’t add to her trauma, Hideki. You know she’s not someone you want on the warpath against you, and that’s what’s going to happen if you keep lying to her and suggesting she’s crazy.”

His wife calling him a liar was something he knew he just had to weather. Despite his absolute devotion to the job, it hurt no less.

“I do not believe she is crazy,” he said carefully. “Grief takes a great many forms and denial can be a natural part of the mourning process.”

This wasn’t anything Liana didn’t already know.

“If I lost you,” he continued, hazarding to raise his hand toward her cheek, “I would not wish to believe it, either; I would do anything to undo it… But I cannot give this to Mrs. Goto, or to you, no matter how much we both want to alleviate her suffering.”

She looked down for a moment, shaking her head briefly before taking a breath and looking back up at her husband.

“Things don’t always have to be zero sum, you know.  I believe rules exist for the spirit of such protocol rather that the strict letter of them.  You don’t want to compromise an ongoing investigation, I understand that. So does Miho. But in this case, especially for her — and I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend; I think she’s proven herself in situations like this –, I think you can maintain the integrity of the investigation while not having to deceive her at the same time.  Rules are a dead and static thing, made by humans to serve the needs of a situation. And by the same token, situations can change, and so we can be flexible to adapt while remaining true to overall protocol. It’s not ‘either or’ in this case, Hideki, you must be able to see that. Things need not be robotic; in fact, I think something as dynamic as a complicated investigation is best served by anything but.”

Her look was beseeching as much as it was resolute.  She wanted, needed, him to understand that there was more than one alternative, and indeed, a better one existed than what dead, strict rules dictated.

His hand had reached her cheek, his thumb had been lightly grazing the skin as she spoke, but the moment she’d mentioned his way was ‘robotic’, his arm sank back to his side.

“You are operating under the assumption I do not know how to effectively perform my job,” he stated, and indeed, this time he sounded more mechanical, “that I am intentionally wounding Mrs. Goto. Please do not forget our duty is not without risk – risk Lieutenant Goto has always accepted as a necessary evil in the pursuit of people who want to destroy our way of life (writes a presidential speech). Lieutenant Goto’s death will not be in vain provided the integrity of this investigation is not compromised, and in time, Mrs. Goto’s pain will diminish.”

His stoic mask was now firmly affixed, a sure sign to his wife he had been affronted. It was rare he showed anger, whether he felt it or not; it was far more common for him to shut down.

Which is what he did – and before she could speak again he had stepped away.

“I am going to take a shower now,” he asserted.

“Is that part of the fake eulogy you’re going to give?” she threw at his retreating back before she could stop herself, her sarcastic side finding voice in her frustration.

She almost wanted to throw something at the firmly closing bathroom door, but knew it would accomplish nothing but a momentary childish satisfaction of noise to punctuate her ire.  She thought she understood her husband enough to get beyond the “cyborg” persona his colleagues often referred to him as, but now she wondered how much she was really able to understand him in the dire situations when she felt she should most.

She bit her lip, and after only a moment’s thought, grabbed her phone to text a quick thanks to Jazz for what she was able to surmise by now.  She followed this with a quick text to Miho:

“I believe you.  I’m sorry about him.”

Liana didn’t want to go more into it than that, over what was really essentially not that secure a channel.  She hoped her friend understood the “him” was her infuriatingly stubborn husband.

Liana stood halfway between the hallway and her bedroom, wondering whether she should get ready for bed or go to Miho to apologize to and try to comfort, and help, her friend.  She doubted if she would get much further with Hideki tonight, though a tenacious part of her wanted to try, as well as to make him understand she was not against him, but trying to help him as well as her friend and Lieutenant Goto.  Or if it would be more helpful to the situation as a whole to go to discuss things over with her friend. A chime from her phone alerting her to an incoming text helped make up her mind.

“I’m going to need more ice cream.”

It was Jazz, and no doubt Miho had chowed her way through all available potential sources to cool her ire.

“Will hijack an ice cream van and be right over. Preferences?”

“Surprise me.”

MJS (Twilight Zone Edition) Part 1

With a quiet groan, Kaga opened his eyes. His recollection of the previous night’s mission was a little fuzzy, and he struggled to bring his memories into clarity. Another soft murmur sounded in the quiet room, and Kaga tensed when he felt movement against his body.

“Mmm, it’s a little early for that, don’t you think?” a somewhat familiar-honey-laced voice whispered, and Kaga flinched when the supple shape ground back into the curve of his body.

In confusion, he gripped her hips to prevent her from arousing him any further, but it had the opposite effect.”

In a no doubt practiced move, Miho rolled over on top of him, hands either side of Kaga’s had, and grinned down as she undulted her hips.

“I wonder what your colleagues would think, Lieutenant, if they knew you were so dirty,” she crooned, leaning down to speak against his lips.

“Who’re you calling Lieutenant?” Kaga retorted, but he couldn’t – or simply didn’t – untangle himself from her before she smothered his lips with a passionate kiss.

His hands were sliding up her bare sides before he got a grip on himself, turned his head and pushed her back.

“I’ve got things to do,” he declared as he tipped Miho sideways, but his voice rasped.

He had just enough time to see her pouty-quizzical face before he hefted himself out of bed, quick to glance around and then head into the ensuite.

With the door closed behind him, Kaga took stock, pausing a second before looking into the mirror.

Instant.

Horror.

The face that stared back was not his own, but that of Seiji Goto.

I mean, it made sense considering this wasn’t his apartment, and Miho wasn’t his bedfellow, yet there he was having his morning wood stroked by the wife of his colleague.

“What the fuck is going on?” he exhaled sharply, his heart beating rapidly, even as he splashed cold water on his face.

Unfortunately this did not dispel whatever black magic had trapped him in Goto’s body, a body he then began to examine.

“Bullshit,” he snorted caustically when he pulled out the front of his boxers to inspect his – or rather Goto’s – slowly receding erection.

Knowing he couldn’t stay cloistered in the bathroom forever, he took a quick shower before gathering his courage to emerge.

Thankfully, Miho was not in the bedroom and the bed was made, giving Kaga the chance to explore until he found the closet.

“Humiliating,” he muttered as he pulled one of Goto’s uniforms out, but he dressed himself and ventured beyond.

He we was greeted by boisterous barking, as two greyhound puppies came speeding toward him. They pulled up short, however, skidding across the floor before they reached him, and began to growl: tails trembling, teeth bared, then they began to bark.

“Ishigami! Kaga!” Miho shouted from out of sight. “Cut it out!”

Imitating the pair of little pooches, Kaga leaned a little and snapped his teeth, and the pups backed away before turning and racing away.

Kaga had known Kurosawa had named the puppies he’d given to Miho and Goto as a wedding present, but hearing his own name from Miho’s lips like that in his current situation just made it even more surreal.

Something rattling in the kitchen drew the lean dogs back down the hall, and rubbing the back of his neck, Kaga followed. There he found Miho, in a short, satin robe, her hair a messy bun, pouring a second cup of coffee which she then held out to him.

“You okay?” Miho frowned, scrutinising her husband closely.

His response was from his lips before he’d paused to think.

“This better have enough sugar in it,” he snuffed, and was alerted to what he’d done by the surprise in Miho’s expression.

“I’d hope by now, as a dutiful wife, I’d know how you take your coffee,” she retorted, a little hurt behind her eyes.

“Gah,” he spluttered, wincing after he’d taken a sip. “Moron! This isn’t coffee!”

Stunned, Miho blinked a couple of times before her expression darkened.

“Uh… sorry?” he stammered, the word feeling somehow easy on his lips, despite being almost complete foreign to his brain. “Had… weird… dreams.”

Desperately trying to figure out what the hell was going on – considering the possibility he was indeed still asleep – Kaga stiffly sat down. Under the watchful gaze of two very wary greyhounds, he sipped his coffee while Miho made them some breakfast. He knew his objection hadn’t been very Goto-like, and it was clear his colleague’s wife was not at all accustomed to being insulted, but he too was at a loss.

“Actually, you know what?” Kaga grunted, as she put a plate down in front of him. “I should…”

Then he was interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone.

It rang, and rang, and rang, until Miho snatched it from the counter and handed it to him.

“It’s Captain Kaga,” she declared, having glanced at the caller I.D.

“What?” Kaga greeted, though he REALLY needed to talk to… um… himself?

“Is Miho there?” came Kaga’s own voice, but he hadn’t spoken it.

Kaga could only assume if he was in Goto’s body, Goto was in his.

“Of course,” Kaga grunted. “Her coffee is terrible.”

As if reacting on Miho’s outraged behalf, Ishigami let out a high pitched bark.

“Let me talk to her,” Goto rushed.

“And say what? You are worried about her?” Kaga snorted. “We have bigger things to worry about, so get your ass to the Academy.”

Then he hung up.

“Hey,” Miho blustered, ignoring the weird one-sided conversation she’d just heard. “You haven’t touched your breakfast.”

“Not hungry,” Kaga grunted, leaving everything on the table and heading to the front door under canine escort.

“Since when?” Miho persisted, following him closely. “Seiji, slow down.”

“No time. Very, very busy,” Kaga pressed on, reaching the door and slipping his feet into Goto’s shoes, stooping to tie the laces.

“I think you can make time to spare me a few words,” she volleyed, as Kaga straightened and reached for the doorknob.

But Miho’s hand slammed against the door with force, startling the pair of puppies.

“Goto Seiji, I’m talking to you,” she insisted, her tone low and authoritative.

Many – most people – would back down when faced with Miho in serious mode, but this only triggered Kaga’s defiance.

He’d taken her wrist and spun her around before she could blink, and though she well and truly knew how to defend herself against a stranger’s attack, Goto pressing her cheek flush against the bevelled surface, using his body to trap her there, was restricted to intimate scenarios only.

Intimate, this was not.

Something was definitely wrong.

The greyhounds snarled but Kaga ignored them.

“I’m talking to you, wife,” he whispered behind her ear, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention. “I’m busy. I’m going to work. Don’t wait up.”

When he stepped back, Miho slid sideways and crouched to calm her puppies.

“Well shit, have a peachy day then,” she dropped caustically – confused, hurt.

Kaga exited with no further comment.

Honeymoon over.

 

Goto arrived at the Police Academy flustered, and found Ishigami in the main area of the Instructor’s Room pouring over the previous night’s reports.

“Sir!” Goto exclaimed, rushing up to his superior while – of course – wearing Kaga’s face. “Captain, we have a serious problem.”

Lifting his head, Ishigami blinked at Kaga in puzzlement.

Usually it was hostility and insult.

Usually it was biting sarcasm and venom.

But, Sir and Captain?

This was surely the Twilight Zone.

As if realising his folly, Goto straightened, blushing a little as he put some distance between them.

“Sorry, Sir, you’re right,” Goto stammered, and this simply blew Ishigami out of the water. “Maybe we could discuss this in your office?”

As Ishigami stood, Kaga arrived – of course – wearing Goto’s face.

“Ahh, four-eyes,” he sniffed. “Has your lacky filled you in on this shitstorm?”

He looked at Goto inhabiting his skin, and Goto peered right back at Kaga wearing his skin.

“Goto,” Ishigami said curtly, though he was looking at Kaga. “If this is some sort of joke…”

“No, Sir,” Goto assured, but all Ishigami saw was a long-time agitator mocking him.

“Captain?” Goto prompted, sending Kaga a somewhat pleading look.

“Well… shit,” Kaga sighed, and Ishigami swore – in Goto’s body language – he saw Kaga’s arrogance and disdain. “Captain Ishigami,” Kaga went on, and he couldn’t have looked any more like he’s just bitten into a lemon. “It seems as if Lieutenant Goto and I have… somehow… switched bodies.”

Her Love In The Zombie Apocalypse

Happiness doesn’t last, does it?

In the perfect world, we grow to be strong, learn to believe in ourselves and to have the courage of our convictions, and finally meet someone with whom we can be that person – in both strength and weakness.

When you find that person, don’t let the small, the insignificant things come between you.

Embrace.

Embrace your differences and each other and don’t let go. Fight hard and with everything you’ve got.

Because you never truly know when the dream will end.

 

Panting and laboured beneath the weight of my backpack, I struggle to keep pace. Kaga and Soma are already pulling aside our barricade at the east end of the academy, while Shinonome and Ishigami stand alert for approaching threats.

At my side – always at my side – Seiji remains in step.

His face is smeared with the horror of his narrow escape, much like the rest of us.

But one of us fell, one of us didn’t really escape at all, the others just don’t know it yet.

Seiji doesn’t know it yet.

“Get the hell in here!” Kaga barks, but his curt urgency is no exaggeration now.

The threat is real, however disbelieving we were at the beginning, the truth has well and truly sunk in.

“Christ,” he huffs as Seiji and I pass him, and he and Soma begin to reassemble the barricade protecting our fortress home. “Could you possibly find a smaller pack?”

“Screw you,” I gasp, stumbling into the foyer and sliding the bag from my aching shoulders.

It hits the floor with a heavy clunk, the cans within part of the bounty we’d retrieved from several convenience stores much further from the academy than we have ever venture since the incident. Those closest to the academy have already been stripped bear, and it was the necessity to eat, and to provide for those who also shelter with us, that prompted a much more dangerous run to distant sources.

Roaring in my ears, my pulse refuses to slow, and Seiji looks me over with worry.

“Are you all right?” he asks quietly, leaning against the wall beside me, peering at me with those gunmetal eyes haunted by deep concern.

“Mm,” I nod, giving him a weary smile.

Anything to ease his troubles.

Anything to lighten this heart I love.

Anything to protect it from breaking.

But I can’t.

“That was intense,” I add, as Ishigami joins us.

“Everyone okay?” he asks, the blandness of his expression a stark contrast to the dangle of gore hanging from the left side of his glasses.

“Yeah,” Seiji confirms, and I nod also.

Liar.

But they take my word for it, this trust is what has kept us alive this long.

There are untold numbers of dead in Tokyo, some permanently, some now roaming, shambling, looking for prey – because it all happened so quickly, and people didn’t know how fast the infection spread, how virulent it was.

We still don’t know how it started. Even law enforcement was woefully unprepared, and communication came too slow, too late.

“Let’s get this stuff to storage,” Seiji prompted, shouldering his pack, before collecting mine.

“I’m not completely useless,” I argue, but I’m playful in my scorn.

Oh how many small things has Seiji done for me? When was the exact moment his selflessness won over my heart? I have no doubt, he would gladly give his life in exchange for mine – but this time, he can’t.

 

When twilight drifts, everyone goes to their posts. We check our defences, reinforce each barricade, look for weaknesses and plug them, and check night-watch rosters.

Glancing down the list I note who is meant to be at each guard position. It looks as if I’m just doing my job, but in reality I need to know who is where for a very different reason.

Shivering, I pull my jacket more closely around me, and eventually meet up with Seiji in our room.

Our room.

It was going to be a little house, with a yard big enough for a dog and a small vegetable patch. That was our shared dream.

Now, he is all that I have left of that dream, and…

“You look tired,” he tells me, gently taking my face between broad palms. “You’re cold.”

“It’s a clear night,” I point out, leaning into his touch, trying to memorise the sensation. “It’s freezing out.”

“Well, it was a long day,” he smiles, carefully sliding his fingers into my hair and running them all the way to the tips. “Early night?”

“Gladly,” I exhale, hoping he can’t tell I’m gritting my teeth behind this smile.

He doesn’t know I organised a pack of bare essentials while he was showering, and hid it from sight. He’s treating me like he always has – the centre of his world.

Mouth dry, maybe from the gathering nervousness of what I must do, or maybe… I can’t tell if the jackhammer pounding against the inside of my skull is part of my transition, or the spread of guilt and grief and emotional pain so potent it’s a wonder I can stand, let alone smile like nothing is wrong.

And everything is wrong, because the throb in my forearm, hidden by the long sleeves of my flannel pajamas is a harbinger of my imminent death, and horrifying resurrection.

And I can’t be here when that happens.

Just the same, I snuggle under the blankets, and as Seiji is reaching over to turn off the lamp, I wrap my uninjured arm around him, and press myself mercilessly against his back.

I want to feel the imprint of his body against mine, my fingers, my hands, I want to remember every taut undulation of his chest, and the steady rhythm of his breath.

“Your hands are still freezing,” he grumbles, but hugs my forearm tightly.

And I pray he doesn’t hear my breath catch and stick in my throat, or feel the desperation to withhold a sob in the tension of my muscles.

“You always warm me up,” I whisper, hardly a breath at all, and he gives my hand a squeeze.

Nothing in the world would give me greater peace, than to remain here – but if I stay, even until morning… I might truly destroy him. Instead, I listen to the sounds of him, inhale the scent of him, until he falls asleep.

And then I have to exercise the absolute, utmost of my willpower to separate – softly so as not to wake him, when all I really want is for him to wake suddenly, grab me, pull me down and wrap himself around me.

I am my own person, but I would gladly let him consume me.

Cautiously I cover him back up, but the slight motion of Seiji’s head causes his bangs to flop over his closed eyelids.

So innocent.

And yet so fierce in my defence – and this is why I have to go.

He would make excuses, drag it out, maybe even beg me to stay even while knowing my fate is a foregone conclusion.

Go. GO! You have to go. For his sake.

As quietly as I can, I retrieve my backpack. There is hardly anything in it, because let’s face it, I’m not going to be needing human supplies for much longer.

Then there is the letter.

Saying goodbye, face to face, seeing him break… I can’t. And it’s not arrogance to think he will, because his heart and mine are one and mine…

… is being torn apart.

On the pillow, still fresh with the impression of my head, I leave my final missive to him, and bite down so hard on my lower lip, it bleeds. These feet won’t move but they have to.

Go.

My insides are hollowed out, a gaping, weeping wound very nearly prompting a sob when in my retreat from out room I spy Domo-kun.

It’s so stupid that Domo-kun should symbolise our love somehow, but for some reason that gift to me left a lasting impression. And even in the chaos, he stayed with us as a constant.

“Goodbye Domo-kun,” I whispered, slipping out into the hall and closing the door on all I ever wanted.

 

BONUS

“Cold,” Goto murmured, rolling over and groping across the bed for his favourite source of warmth.

It was not so jarring an awakening, for he didn’t yet know the truth. His wife could be any number of places by far more obvious than having snuck out in the night to meet her grizzly fate.

So he clutched at the blankets and tucked them under his chin, and in doing so disturbed the piece of paper beside him.

Rubbing his eyes with the back of one hand, he plucked the missive from the pillow and unfolded it.

And dread began to form, dread that turn swiftly into a panic without description.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE AUDIO OF THE BELOW LETTER

My dearest Seiji,

We said, till death do us part – but, I’m not sure where undeath fits into that.

I am sorry.

I made a mistake and now… the cost of it must be paid. And this is the one time you can’t save me, no matter how many times I call you name, the enemy now inside me cannot be defeated.

You will be angry that I didn’t tell you, that I didn’t… give you a chance to say goodbye, but leaving like this is the lesser of two terrible evils.

I will turn, it’s inevitable, and I don’t want your last memory of me to be as a monster.

Please remember the brush of my fingertips against your forehead.

Please remember the warmth of my body curled against yours.

Please, remember the passionate heat, and the bliss of our every union.

And let me save you this time – let me stand, even at this distance, between you and having to see me as anything other than the woman you took to be your wife.

That woman will soon be consumed, but until the very end I will fix you in my mind and heart, grip you relentlessly, because you have taught me what it means to be loved so unconditionally, so completely; I will not be afraid.

Loving you, and being loved by you, has been a privilege I’m not sure I ever really deserved, but you have been the absolute, the most precious gift I ever received.

I love you.

Your dearest wife.

 

The bed beside him was cold.

When in the night had she left him?

He knew she was gone but could not control his panic. It exploded inside him, could not be contained, and drove him from their room in his pinstriped pajamas. With abandon he threw himself down the corridor, blind almost but for a target in the distance he had no way of seeing.

Morning greeted him with a slap of winter, but Goto struggled through the haze of his desperate breaths lingering in the air, and staggered like a drunkard to the outer most manned position.

“Did you see her?!” he shouted.

“Lieutenant?” the young man queried, looking very confused.

“My wife!” Goto gasped. “Did you see her? Did she leave this way?”

But the pair stationed there could tell him nothing, nor could any of the other outer guards, and finally, her last words to him clutched in his bloodless fist, he sat, in the dirt, trembling.

Why couldn’t he see her face? Why could he only see the back of her, her retreating figure moving with labour steps through the undead who paid her no mind?

Losing her was… there were simply no words, but to know she had gone alone with such pain in her heart was a wound to him like no other.

And all he could do was sit, and stare off into the distance.

MJS Out of office drama: Jazz x Kunihiko Black and white pictures

Miho’s and Goto’s wedding was finally over and Jazz could breathe easier again. It had been a very touching ceremony, a wonderful party. It had made Jazz want to have a ceremony, too, but she hadn’t told Kuni about that yet. There was so much else that they had to take care of first.

Jazz had had the operation the day after the bachelorette party and so far there were no complications. She had a scar on her belly but it was tiny, only slightly rosy now and smooth. The first few days it had been dark red, ragged and uneven. The first time she had changed the bandage she had cried, not because of the scar itself but because of what this meant for her, for Kunihiko and her. For them.

Jazz shoved those thoughts aside and smoothed down her shirt to cover the scar. Today she had another follow up appointment at the clinic and afterwards some more work. With Miho and Goto in their honeymoon Jazz was the only senior partner at the agency left and she was dead set on keeping the business running smoothly. Kunihiko had told her to take it easy for now but she needed something to take her mind off the whole ‘I just lost an ovary’ disaster.

“Should I take you to the clinic?” His arms enveloped her from behind and Jazz snuggled against his chest with a tiny sigh.

“No, I’m fine. I can take a cab or the train. No need for you to be late for work.” She turned in his arms and hugged him tightly. Despite the brave face she was making she couldn’t hide how on edge she was every time she had to get another check up.

Kunihiko’s hand wandered over to her belly, gently rested there, his warmth seeping into her skin.

“I’d rather be there for you in a time like this. Being late isn’t a problem at all today.”

“I know. But believe me, it’s fine. It’s only a routine checkup. Last time they already told me that everything was looking really good. Don’t worry about me, I call you if anything is off.” She cupped his face and smiled. “You’re giving me so much strength, Kuni. Even if you’re not with me. That’s why I can be so at ease.”

Their kiss was soft and only lasted for a second, but it conveyed so much love, so much warmth.

“Okay, if you’re insisting. I’m off to work now. I love you.” Reluctantly he parted from her, his hand rested on her hip although he had already taken a step back.

“I love you, too. And now off with you, before Osanai calls and gives you a lecture again.” With a last kiss she practically pushed him out of the door, laughed when he peeked in again to sneak another kiss.

Once back in the office Jazz was diligently working, creating proposals and profiles, answering calls and emails. In her lunch break she sent Kunihiko a quick text, telling him the checkup had been well. Her doctor had told her they could start trying for a baby if they wanted to, but also reminded her not be impatient and not to get frustrated if it didn’t work right away. With only one ovary it was still possible to get pregnant, but not that likely. Still, the doctor advised they should simply try for now and take measures if it didn’t work after a year.

“It is important that you don’t stress yourself. That wouldn’t help at all. Relax and just let nature take its course. You are still young and healthy enough for it to just happen.”

Jazz had nodded and thanked her doctor, but couldn’t help the nagging unease. Work was meant to distract her and so far it was serving this purpose well.

They needed a solution to their latest loss of test drivers. Ever since Rose got serious with her puppy boyfriend and H was – somehow distracted, MJS was at the same point where it had been almost a year ago, when Miho and Jazz decided to get an intern. Maybe they had to change their approach and cancel the test driving all together.

The ringing of her phone dragged her from her thoughts, the florists had questions about an arrangement for a wedding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Kuni?” Jazz handed him the veggies to cut for their dinner and he pecked her cheek as a thank you, humming to prompt her to go on with her question.

“I was thinking… how about we find someone for the bar? You know, lately you don’t have much time to actually stand behind the counter anyway, but I like the atmosphere of the bar. I like that your friends, and now also my friends, can gather there.”

His hands stopped cutting the carrots briefly before he went back to preparing their dinner.

“Actually it’s a good idea. I have thought about that already. I’d rather spend my time with you than cleaning the bar anyway.”

Jazz grinned. “Well, we have combined that already. Although we didn’t really ended up getting much cleaning done…”

Ever since Jazz had gotten the diagnosis she had shied away from intimacy, not comfortable in her own body anymore. Sure, she had offered him relief in different ways and he hadn’t pushed her into anything she didn’t want to do, but by conjuring these memories now she signaled that she was ready to at least think into that direction again. A smile appeared on his face.

“I remember… that was a very pleasant night in the bar. But I guess you were driving at something else.”

Jazz giggled but nodded. “I was thinking, how about we ask H if she wants to manage the bar? She might need a new job soon, as things are at the agency right now.”

“You don’t want to close the agency, do you?” The concern in his face was surprising her, Jazz had assumed that he wasn’t a big fan of MJS.

“No, just changing some things. I’m not sure if we should continue with the date scenarios, after all it caused so many problems in the past and it’s difficult to find suitable girls to take care of it.” She shrugged. “I still have to talk with Miho about it, but I guess we’re going to get respectable and all.”

With a mocked shudder she turned to him. “I guess Miho just got the shivers, too, and has no clue why.”

Kunihiko laughed, pleased that Jazz was joking again. For some days she had been withdrawn and gloomy, although she had tried to hide it behind a smile that never reached her eyes. She knew that she had been worrying him but she really felt so much better now and was grateful for his support.

“But the wedding planning will stay unchanged?” he asked further, grabbing some bell peppers, and Jazz nodded.

“No need to change anything if it’s working just fine, right?”

He hummed in agreement but Jazz frowned lightly.

“Say, is something the matter? You seem a bit distracted.”

“What makes you think that?” he asked back, looking like being caught.

“You’re washing those bell peppers for the third time now.”

He immediately turned the water off and grinned sheepishly. “You are a sharp one, I should have know that I can’t fool you for long.”

“Right-o. And now, Mister, spill it.” She took the peppers and started slicing them.

“Not sure if I really want to tell you when you’re handling a sharp knife,” he joked but Jazz only glared at him. “Okay, okay. I’m telling you already. So, I got a call today. My grandmother wants to meet me tomorrow for lunch.”

Her hands stopped. His grandmother – well, that was unexpected.

“But it’s a good sign, isn’t it? Does that mean she starts to accept our marriage?” There it was again, the faked smile.

“I really hope so. At least it didn’t sound as if she wanted to disinherit and cast me out of the family anymore.” He carefully took the knife out of her hand. “You okay?”

“Sure, yeah. I mean, it’s not my grandma. Actually my family is pretty happy for us. They were surprised and confused at first, but now they are happy.”

She chuckled briefly, remembering the awkward Skype-date she had set up with her parents and grandparents to introduce Kunihiko to them. Being caught as the interpreter in the middle she had done her best to convey the reaction of her family properly but she couldn’t deny that they had all been bewildered that the Japanese man she was married to was another Japanese man than the original one all of sudden. They had just learned about Jazz being divorced after all.

“We will have to visit them soon,” Kunihiko pointed out.

“I would love that. Whenever you have a few days off.” She kissed him, snatched the knife back and returned to cutting vegetables. “But for now, get back to cooking, I’m starving.”

Jazz had decided not to worry so much about people accepting their love anymore. There were more severe things to worry about in the world, they couldn’t get the blessing of everyone after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After her second cup of coffee in the lobby of a fancy hotel Jazz grew impatient. Her client she was supposed to meet here was late without a notice and if she wouldn’t arrive in the next ten minutes, Jazz would leave her a note and go back to the office.

No call or text, no apology or explanation. Jazz had checked the mail with the time and place several times already and she was definitely in the right hotel, it was the correct day and she had already waited for half an hour. Not exactly a tolerating person when it came to tardiness in the first place her mood was close to hitting rock bottom when she looked up and saw something that made her blink several times, just to make sure it wasn’t an hallucination.

There was her husband, a pretty young woman hanging on his arm. Definitely not his grandmother. She was smiling at him but he seemed tense, glancing around uncomfortably. Jazz stomach sank and her heart started to race. This was bad. Why was Kunihiko with another woman in a hotel?

She quickly scribbled something down on a piece of paper and hurried to the front desk when other two were out of sight, asking the receptionist to hand the note to her client if she would ever show up. Jazz had to get out of there, needed fresh air and some answers.

It took all her willpower not to simply storm after them, or wait for Kunihiko in his office. There had to be a good explanation and she refused to jump to conclusions without giving him a chance to tell her about it.

That night Kuni came back home late. Very late. It was almost midnight, the dinner Jazz had thrown together absentmindedly earlier was long cold but she didn’t feel like eating anyway. She felt like drinking but she had stopped ever since she had learned about her medical condition, besides drinking alone had never been very appealing to her.

So she was sitting on the couch, trying to read but after she had stared at the same sentence for more than ten minutes now she admitted defeat and put the book away. Her heart leapt a bit when she heard the door. Kunihiko was back. He tried to sneak in as silently as possible, stared at her in bewilderment when he came into the living room to find her sitting there, no TV or music running, just staring at him.

“If that isn’t my lovely wife,” he cheerfully greeted her, but it couldn’t hide his tired expression. “You are still up.”

“I was waiting for you.” With pride she noticed how calm she sounded, not the nagging wife men seemed to hate.

“You shouldn’t have. I wanted to call and tell you I will be late today, but things were really crazy in the office.” He came over and leaned down to kiss her, frowning lightly when she turned her face away, only accepting a kiss on the cheek.

“Only in the office?” It was hard to keep the unease at bay, to not start screaming or crying just to get rid of this pressure inside of her.

“Actually, no. I told you about the lunch with my grandmother, right?” He sat down next to her and sighed, loosened his tie a bit and pulled the hairtie from his hair.

“Uh-huh…” Now was the time of truth and honestly, Jazz wasn’t sure if she really wanted to listen to what he would tell her next.

“I guess it’s safe to assume that she hasn’t accepted out marriage yet. She has set me up on a lunch date with the granddaughter of one of her friends. I know her since she was a child and it was so awkward. I’m a married man, I felt stupid sitting there with a girl that had barely finished college.” He dropped his head on the backrest and closed his eyes, missed the relieved smile on Jazz’s face.

“A childhood friend?”

“Not really. I mean, we met on some occasions, but I’m ten, maybe twelve years older than her. I don’t really remember. Anyway, she used to be a quiet child, but now she’s rather forceful. I have no idea what Grandmother has told her, but she seemed to assume that we will get married soon.” He sounded so tired and Jazz’s heart clenched when he turned to face her.

“Sorry, but I guess my family isn’t as happy about us as yours.”

She ran a hand through his hair, smoothed down the waves a bit and smiled. “No, I am sorry. It must be hard to go against your family like that. And sorry that you had to go on a date with some pretty 20something year old.”

“She isn’t even that pretty,” he waved her off but Jazz shook her head.

“No, she’s plenty pretty. It’s okay, I know that there are beautiful women out there. Doesn’t mean that I get insecure.”

A crease appeared over the bridge of his nose when he furrowed his brow.

“How do you know what she looks like?”

A dry chuckle accompanied her answer. “Well, I think you’re not the only one who got set up today. I was there, in the lobby. I saw you, arm in arm with a pretty girl.”

Kunihiko groaned. “Oh god… Jazz, I swear, there was nothing going on! She said she had sprained her ankle and begged me to steady her while walking. I figured it would get me out if there quicker if I just – you know, just let her lean on me a bit.”

“It’s okay, really. I trust you.” Relief made her giddy a bit, but there was enough of sass and sarcasm left in her to add: “Besides, you know I would probably kill you of you ever cheated on me. Or even better, I would sic Miho on you.”

His eyes widened. “I would never cheat on you. I love you, Jazz, you and no one else. And I will remind my grandmother that you and I are married after all, not just dating casually. There is no one who could take your place, not here in my home, nor in my bed and especially not in my heart.”

“I feel bad that you are having trouble with your family because of me,” she admitted, still smiling softly.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, you are my family. That’s all I need.”

That night they went to bed and only kissed good night again, but Jazz felt closer to him than in weeks.

“She did what?” H blinked in disbelief and Jazz shrugged.

“Set him up on a date. And it wasn’t only that, obviously they had planned it so that I had to catch him red-handed with that other girl.” She straightened some papers and handed them over to H.

“Wow, that’s really low.”

“You know what bothers me the most? Obviously his grandmother expected that I would – I don’t know, either quietly leave, broken hearted, or make a scene, cause a fight. She has probably thought I wouldn’t believe him if he tells me it was only a misunderstanding and that I would demand a divorce, convinced that he’s cheating on me.” She shook he head slightly. “But did she not expect us to actually talk? I mean, didn’t she think we would sit down and he would tell me about his strange day and I about mine? That weak plot she made up is so easily rumbled, all it takes is five minutes of honest conversation. She must think I’m stupid.”

And was what made Jazz angry. If his grandmother would have taken five minutes of her time to actually talk to Jazz she would have realized that Jazz was a smart woman. Yes, she had been easily fooled when it came to mattes of the heart before, but she had also learned a lesson each and every time.

“But is everything okay between you and Kuni again?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, of course. I know he loves me and he knows that I’m crazy about him. We are fine.” Jazz smiled at a visibly relieved H. “By the way, Kuni and I have been talking and – well, the bar is getting a bit too much work on top of our jobs and maintaining a happy marriage and all. And if we really end up having a child some day… long story short, could you imagine working in the bar? Part time at first, but if you like it and it works fine…” She let her sentence taper off, gauging H’s reaction.

“Me? Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, when you’re not on date simulations you still have plenty of time, don’t you? And you could earn some more money.”

H beamed. “Sure! I mean, I’ve never worked in a bar but I have experience in the service industry. So yeah, I’d love to give it a try!”

With a satisfied nod Jazz leaned back in her chair. Another thing taken care of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was strange. Never before in her life she had troubles initiating intimacy or sex, but as long as she didn’t have sex she couldn’t get pregnant on purpose. Not getting pregnant because her body wasn’t able to, was a completely different thing. So although the doctor had said it was fine, she was full of doubts. It was somehow easier to defend their marriage against dangers from the outside than to deal with her own fears and insecurities.

“I will be back in three days and then we take some time for us. Maybe spend the weekend somewhere else. How about an onsen?” Kunihiko just packed his last things into the suitcase, took the tie she handed him and put it to the rest of his clothes.

“I will miss you,” she said, a slight pout on her lips.

She had missed him for a while now, even when he was right there with her. The distance she had created between them was there on her own free will and he had accepted it, considered it a part of her recovery. And somehow she had already forgotten how it was to be close to him, physically close. Their love was strong like always, but the physical connection they shared in the beginning had been lost and that she regretted deeply.

“I will miss you more,” he replied and kissed her, softly at first but when he tried to deepen the kiss she pulled away. She had forgotten how to accept what she was craving for, too scared for the consequences if she stepped out of the safe zone she had created around herself.

“Don’t forget to pack your scarf. It’s going to be cold up there,” she reminded him and stepped back, right back into her safe zone. His smile wavered a bit but he nodded.

“Sure. Sapporo can be cold after all.”

Jazz felt bad for turning him down like that, but she couldn’t help it, torn between longing for him and hiding herself away. Grateful for the way he simply accepted her moods she embraced him again, this time without kissing.

When he closed the door behind him, leaving for a business trip, Jazz wondered why she just couldn’t let herself fall into the embrace of her husband anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She woke up in the middle of the night, the darkness in the bedroom so absolute that it made no difference if she opened her eyes or not. Lazily she turned around once, smiled when she realized she wasn’t alone in bed anymore. After two nights without him Jazz was glad that Kunihiko was back in their shared bed.

Still, it almost made her jump when she suddenly felt his hand on her cheek but she relaxed and inched closer, an awkward kiss in the dark, without being able to see each other, but they still managed to meet each other’s lips.

And just like that the distance she had so elaborately crafted vanished, took all her doubts with it, left her only with her love and desire for her husband. Kunihiko sleepily grunted when she pressed her body closer to his, wrapped his arms around her and rolled them around until he was on top of her.

Jazz got lost in their kiss, in his touch, eagerly wrapped her legs around him, felt his length hardening against her. When his hands slid under her comfortable and definitely not sexy pajama top she encouraged him by arching her back, pressing her body even closer. As soon as the top was out of the way she reveled in the feeling of his naked skin on hers, grateful for the fact that he was sleeping only in pajama pants. Which had to get off next. Still kissing him Jazz shoved her hands into his pajama pants, pushed them down over his ass, giving him a light squeeze. He chuckled briefly before his lips descended her neck, towards her chest, further down her stomach. She flinched when he kissed her scar but relaxed again when he started tugging off her pajama bottom and panties, waited for him to fully take off his pajama.

But she didn’t want him to linger down there, impatiently tugged at his hair until he came back up, kissed her again. It was strange, the darkness around them seemed to make this even more intimate, more meaningful.

A gasp escaped her lips when he pushed into her, made him still hesitantly until she grabbed his hip and pulled him closer. It had been some time since they had actual sex but suddenly she couldn’t remember why she had been so shy, so insecure. This was what she wanted after all, being close to him, as close as possible, until their hearts beat in the same rhythm again.

It wasn’t the ecstatic fireworks, but it didn’t lack passion and especially not love. Under the comfortable blanket of the darkness they found each other again, closed any distance that was between them, moved together to new highs.

Afterwards Jazz fell asleep again in his arms, snuggled close to him, and only opened her eyes again after the light of the morning drove the darkness away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They never talked about that night and Jazz half expected it to have been just a dream, but she could tell something had changed. They were back on track, the touches and kisses less careful, more casual again. And after a while they had sex just like they used to, whenever and wherever they felt like it. She didn’t even think about her condition, her body or the scar that much anymore. The lightness came back and made it easier to breathe, to laugh, to love.

The next few weeks were uneventful in a good way. Both Jazz and Kuni had a lot of work but at home they were closer than ever. While Jazz was planning their wedding ceremony Kunihiko did his best to come home before midnight every day and they spend each evening some time together, talking about their day and the plans for the near future. It was perfect.

It was perfect until Jazz got an unexpected visitor one day. She was sitting in her office, working on some proposals, when her door opened and a woman sauntered in, followed by Izumi who seemed out of breath – probably from chasing after the visitor.

Jazz needed a moment to remember when and where she had seen that face before. Oh yes, snuggled close to her husband in that hotel lobby.

“Sorry Mrs. Aikawa, she just ignored me,” Izumi apologized but Jazz waved him off, noticing the way the eyes of the other woman narrowed at how Izumi addressed her.

“It’s okay, Izumi. Please hold my calls for now.”

The other woman smiled sweetly at the receptionist before she took a seat in front of Jazz’s desk without asking.

“Coffee, please. Black.” With that she waved Izumi off who glanced at Jazz who shook her head. No coffee for that behavior. Jazz waited until Izumi closed the door behind him before she went back to work, ignoring the woman in front of her.

“Hey! I came here to talk to you!”

“One moment, please.” Without glancing up Jazz raised a finger and continued scribbling notes on a piece of paper, circled a word and put the pen down.

“What can I do for you?” She smiled politely but her heart raced. Putting up this act was also meant to give her control over this situation, but it only partly worked.

“You can listen to me!” The other woman pouted, very impressively so. She was really pretty, in her early 20s.

“Well, you are the one barging in here without an appointment, at least let me finish what I was working on first before you demand my attention.” Jazz took her glass of water and sipped, seemingly calm.

“So you really are a money grubbing bitch,” the woman said, obviously pleased with her observation.

“No, I’m someone who has to run a business and my time is precious. So get to the point or get out.” She wouldn’t back down, not in her own office.

“You know who I am?” That was straight to the point and Jazz shrugged.

“Barely. I don’t know your name or what you’re doing, just that you are loosely acquainted with my husband.” She relished in the way the other woman reacted to that word. Husband.

“My name is Yui. Aikawa.” A triumphant smile appeared on her rivals face – was she even a rival? Jazz wasn’t sure yet but she didn’t like the way Yui said her last name.

“I would say ‘pleased to meet you’ but we both know that would be a lie. So, Yui, why are you here today.” Not raising to the bait Jazz made a mental note to ask about that last name later. Someone else preferably.

“I thought I’d do both of us a favor and end this charade already. Kunihiko is mine and you should know it.” She raised her chin lightly, silently challenging Jazz.

“Funny, last time I checked I was married to him. So, care to tell me how exactly he’s yours?”

The smile on Yui’s face only widened. “I’m the reason he’s ‘working late’. He will leave you for me soon and then I will be his wife.”

Jazz’s first instinct was to yell. To tell Yui to shut the fuck up and get her ass out of Jazz’s office, but that wouldn’t answer any question. So she sucked a harsh breath and let it out in a chuckle again.

“Dream on, kiddo. As long as your name’s not Aikawa-Mihachi fusion you’re definitely not the reason he’s at work for that long each day. Just because you got the support of his grandmother doesn’t mean you have the man himself, you know?” She leaned back in her chair and kept smiling, but it was strained, the corners of her mouth twitching lightly.

“That’s what he wants you to think. We thought it would be better to have everything hashed out before presenting you with a fait accompli. We are planning our wedding, a real ceremony with our families, not some secret stunt like you pulled it. It should have occurred to you already back then when he didn’t want anyone to know that he might not be serious about you.” There was pity in Yui’s voice and that was something Jazz just couldn’t take.

She clenched her fists, trying to suppress her anger. Her patience was already thin on good days but this now was really putting it to a test.

“Listen, Missie, I have no idea what you’re thinking, but I don’t believe you, okay? And honestly, I get a bit tired of this farce, so would you-“

“I’m pregnant. With Kunihiko’s baby.” Yui reached into her purse and handed Jazz an envelope. “Open it.”

With trembling fingers Jazz pulled an ultrasound image out of the envelope. It was mostly black and white but there was a small human being recognizable. A wave of nausea washed over her.

“For how long?”

“Six weeks already. We are seeing each other for longer of course.”

Six weeks. Jazz quickly counted back in her head. The day she had seen both of them in the hotel? Or at least around that time.

“Get out.” She didn’t look at Yui, simply spat the words out, forced them through the anger that welled up again.

“I just thought I’d give you a fair warning. Maybe you are honorable enough to simply let him go instead of making it hard for him and his new family.” Yui got up and smirked. “Keep the picture. As souvenir. It will be all that you will be having left of him.”

“You say you’re sleeping with MY husband but I am the one lacking honor here?” Jazz grumbled after Yui was gone, struggling to keep her breathing even, willing her emotions aside. This wasn’t the time for a tantrum. It was the time to act.

Quickly she grabbed her phone and called the only one who could help her now.

“Takao? Sorry to disturb you, but I need some advice. Legal advice. Say, what can you tell me about divorces?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There had been a note with Yui’s phone number in the envelope, probably for when Jazz decided to cave in. Now she nervously called that number, still thinking about how to deal with all this. Takao had enlightened her in some points of divorce law and a quick internet research had answered some of her other questions so she was steeled for this encounter, not taken by surprise like the last time.

She knew exactly what she had to do and even if Jazz dreaded confrontations like that – with inevitable tears and screaming – she wouldn’t back down now. A clear cut, that’s what they needed now.

She pumped herself up mentally before she dialed the number.

“Yes?” Yui sounded very pleased so that Jazz gritted her teeth briefly, praying for countenance.

“I think we should talk.”

“Hm, yes, I think so, too. Are you still in your office?” There was a barely hidden triumph in Yui’s voice that riled Jazz up even further.

“No. And I don’t want you to come here again. I’d prefer somewhere else. Maybe a café or something.”

“A public place? For your safety or mine?” It was easy to see through Jazz’s suggestion but she didn’t care.

“How about that lobby? You know, the hotel where everything started?” Yui suggested, not without malice.

“Sure. In about an hour?” Jazz had to take back the reins or she wouldn’t survive that talk.

“I will be there.” With that Yui hung up, leaving Jazz with an unsettling feeling in her guts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course Jazz was fashionably five minutes late when she walked into that lobby without hurry. Spotting Yui was easy, the younger woman was beaming with smug self-satisfaction, it was like a neon sign.

After a last deep breath Jazz walked right over, waved the waiter away who appeared immediately.

“No thanks, I won’t stay long.” She dropped her purse on the table and took her coat off.

“So, did you decide what to do?” Yui took a sip from her coffee cup and leaned back in her seat.

“I did. I had to make some calls but now I know what I have to do. The only thing. The right thing.”

Jazz reached into her purse and took out a stack of papers.

“I called Osanai – he said you have visited Kuni in the office a few times…”

“I did. Sorry, I don’t like the whole sneaking around behind the back of the wife thing, but Kunihiko was – not ready yet. To tell you.”

Nodding her head slowly Jazz forced herself to look at Yui. “And now he is?”

The younger woman had the decency to hesitate, avoiding eye contact. “Well, given the circumstances I figured I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“True. Given the circumstances… but you know what really bugs me? That he didn’t have the balls to tell me himself. That he had to send you, you of all people…” Even Jazz thought that her sigh was a bit exaggerated, but she couldn’t stop now.

“You know how he is, far too gentle and kind to do it on his own.” Yui’s eyes flitted over to the papers. “What’s that?”

“Divorce papers. I thought I better come prepared.” Takao had delivered quickly and Jazz was grateful for that.

“So you decided to actually let him go?”

This was it, the moment of truth.

“No. Actually those are my divorce papers from my first marriage. I just brought them so you could see a tiny detail. See those signatures down there? Where both spouses have to sign to legally end the marriage? That’s the point – we both would have to agree on that. And honestly? Neither I nor Kuni will do that.”

She exhaled deeply, now that she had said her piece she felt much better.

“But Kunihiko wants it! He’s going to have a family with me soon! With me, not with you!” Yui was already half out of her chair when Jazz raised a hand and motioned for her to sit down again.

“I won’t accept this until I hear it from Kuni directly. But of course we can ask him – and tell him that he’s going to be a father soon. Or have you told him that already?” With a smile Jazz waved towards the entrance where Kunihiko just arrived.

“I took the liberty to call him. After all this is about him, too.”

Yui paled when Kunihiko reached their table, frowning in confusion at the unexpected sight of those two women together.

“Jazz? What is going on here?”

She greeted him with a kiss before she quickly explained. “Yui here told me she was having an affair with you and that she’s pregnant now so you want to break up with me to be with her.” Jazz shot a sweet smile into Yui’s direction. “Did I sum that up okay?”

Kuni’s frown deepened. “Wait, what? That’s – Jazz, that’s not true! I never – I mean, you know I wouldn’t cheat on you!” He stared at Yui who tried to make herself smaller. “Why are you saying something like that?”

“Yes, Yui, why? I mean, slandering his name, calling him a cheater – that’s really low. Do you have an idea how much that could affect his business? Spreading lies and rumors like that?”

With a satisfied grin Jazz watched Yui squirm. She had always been a fan of honesty and right now she knew she had been right. Why should she rush off and do something stupid without at least listening to what Kunihiko had to say to these allegations? In what world did that work?

“Is that why you kept coming to my office?” By now Kunihiko seemed less confused, more angry. Between Jazz and Kuni Yui could barely get a word in edgewise.

“And what about that bullshit about you being pregnant from me? We never even kissed, let alone had sex! And then you run to my wife, trying to manipulate her? What kind of snake are you?” Now Kuni was in full swing and Jazz had to place a hand on his arm to remind him to stay calm. Other guests were already staring, not that Jazz minded. A public place also meant public humiliation, something Yui apparently hadn’t considered. At least not for herself.

“I just – I tried to – I thought…”

“No! You didn’t think at all, that’s the problem! That faked, set up date was one thing, but this? A full-fledged scheme to make us break up? That’s – god, that’s so incredibly stupid and low!”

“Kuni,” Jazz whispered, “take a deep breath. I know you’re angry-“

“Damn right, I am!” Jazz had never seen him that furious, not even during their worst fights, but she kept talking.

“– but I guess she gets it now.” With her gaze on Yui again Jazz’s tone got sharper. “And I guess she understands that meddling like a toddler in kindergarten won’t bring her closer to her goal. I don’t know how much of this little scheme actually comes from you or if that was someone else’s idea, but you better remember now: We won’t fall for that shit. Because we actually talk to each other. We know each other. And I trust him – unconditionally.”

As if to prove her point Kunihiko grabbed Jazz’s hand and squeezed it lightly. They had their fair share of jumping to conclusions and making mistakes, but in the end they were both willing to make it work, to fight for what they had. Jazz wouldn’t throw that away just because some girl came along with that kind of story.

“Oh, and I don’t know where you got that ultrasound image but you can have it back.”

Kunihiko blinked. “You even got an ultrasound image? Where the hell-?!”

“Internet.” Yui’s voice was only a whisper but Jazz had no sympathy with her. Not after Yui had pulled that stunt. Going along with that date Kunihiko’s grandmother had set up was one thing, but this? Yui had crossed a line that Jazz would never dare to even get close to. A girl needed at least a bit of class and pride after all.

“Next time – pay attention while researching. And now excuse me, my husband and I are leaving. I suggest you never show your face around us anymore. Never.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jazz felt sick. Physically sick. Kunihiko ranted on and on, only interrupted by apologies and affirmations of his love for her.

“It’s okay, love, I’m just – can you take me home? All this was a bit much…”

“Yes, of course. I still can’t believe it… do you think my grandmother is behind all that? Or did Yui come up with that nonsense on her own?” Kunihiko flagged down a cab and helped her into it.

“I have no idea. Maybe you should talk to your grandmother again. God knows I’m not keen on that conversation.” She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I will. Sorry, I never thought something like this could happen. And Yui just showed up out of the blue in your office?”

She nodded with a sigh. “Not even three hours ago. I had to find out some things on my own before I could tell you. Sorry, I should have called you first thing after she left. I just –“ Another sigh and Jazz squirmed in her seat. “I had to ask Takao if there’s a way for anyone to MAKE us get a divorce. He said that was only possible if one of us was declared incompetent so the marriage could get declared invalid after all.”

She grabbed his hand and kissed the palm. “Nothing could make me give you up. Not after all we had to go through to get here.”

“But she even came with an ultrasound image… I mean, every other woman would have gotten suspicious at that point. But you still trusted me?”

She swallowed. Obviously it was another moment of truth. Jazz had planned it differently but now as good as any other time.

“I trust you. You said you would be honest with me and I believe you. Besides… that picture she showed me. She said she was six weeks pregnant but that embryo in the picture was at least 12 weeks, maybe even later. And I figured if she lied to me about that, the rest might be a lie, too.”

She could feel him tensing up, his attention now focused on her.

“How do you know that? About the picture?”

She pressed his hand that she was still holding against her belly, tears pricking in her eyes.

“I know how a fetus with six weeks should look like – because I have an ultrasound image of one…”

He stared at her, speechless, mouth agape.

“Holy – are you – really? You are pregnant?” His eyes were shining and he laughed happily when she nodded, biting her bottom lip to keep her own grin in check.

“You are pregnant! We’re having a baby? I can’t – that’s the best news I ever got!” He cheered so loudly that the driver turned around, congratulated them when he realized what the fuss was about.

“Since when do you know? Why haven’t you told me already?” Kunihiko wasn’t angry, just eager to know everything there was to know.

“I only found out two days ago myself. Actually I haven’t expected it to happen at all so I didn’t realize that all my symptoms lately were – well, symptoms.” Jazz laughed with him, unable to keep her emotions from bubbling over. “The doctor confirmed my suspicion yesterday. I haven’t told anyone yet because – actually I can’t really believe it myself.”

She reached into her purse to show him the blurry black and white ultrasound picture. “That’s our baby.”

Almost reverently he took the picture, eyes shining wet with unshed tears. “Wow…” he whispered. “It’s perfect.”

There was a lot to do now, preparations had to be made and decisions. But in that cab on their way home, nothing else mattered than their little, growing family.